Category Archives: Love and compassion

Exploring distinct kinds of attraction

Have you ever felt attracted to someone in some ways, but not others? Sure you have. We all have. You know, The person you feel relaxed around, whose therapeutic company you crave, which is not necessarily sexual; The person that lights you … Continue reading

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What you feel is never wrong

One could say that feelings are always right, especially considering how they often just “happen” despite our best efforts! Sometimes, the context of certain feelings is messed up, yes indeed. You don’t want to burst out laughing when somebody is weeping, talking … Continue reading

Posted in Conflict and dealing with negativity, Healing, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Love and compassion, Making connection | Tagged , , , , | 5 Comments

What your awareness says about your trustworthiness – and how “safe” a person you are

I’ve known many people, including myself, that have a lot of trouble just being themselves. You can get into a lot of unfortunate trouble if you don’t develop a fine-tuned filter. We all know there are certain things you can’t … Continue reading

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How “leaving people a way out” calms tensions

We all get to that point with someone sometimes when there’s this big loaded question in the air – one that involves a lot of emotion, and thus potential disappointment. Think “will you marry me?” for example. Sometimes it’s not … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Love and compassion, Making connection | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Compersion: a word we should all become familiar with

We have words in English for when we become upset at someone else’s enjoyment (jealousy) and for when we delight in being better off than someone else (gloating) and even delighting in another’s misery (schadenfreude) … but what do we … Continue reading

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“Today you … tomorrow me” (or, “why I often pick up hitchhikers”)

The following is a verbatim republication of something written by a member of Reddit in response to the question “Have you ever picked up a hitch-hiker?” It won Reddit’s “Comment of the Year” award in 2010 – it’s a beautiful … Continue reading

Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Love and compassion, Pass on the positivity!, Personal reflections, Zany or uncategorized stuff | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

What is “listening?”

This is so damn important! If I ruled the world, “listening” would be as much a part of the school curriculum as mathematics or language or history. It would continue to be a required course in higher education also! It’s … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Healing, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Love and compassion, Personal reflections | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

When “attention” is a disease you don’t want to catch

The people and things that get the most attention are rarely the people and things most deserving of attention. Why are some people’s voices heard more than others? Why is some news heard more than other news that is equally or … Continue reading

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On not labeling your relationships

A friend of mine recently told me, “I’m seeing two people. But I never refer to either of them as ‘boyfriend’ … they are always just ‘friend’, both between us and with other people. The minute you give the relationship a label … Continue reading

Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Debate!, Love and compassion, Personal reflections, Sex and sexuality, Short posts | Tagged , , , , | 16 Comments

What do I want for the holidays? Nothing, actually.

A member of my family recently asked me what I wanted for Christmas. It was a beautiful gesture by somebody dear to me who knows me well and knows that I generally appreciate gifts I know about more than surprise … Continue reading

Posted in Love and compassion, Personal reflections, Short posts | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Why greater investment in finding a romantic match often leads to lesser returns; some thoughts

The world of sex and romance can get really noisy sometimes with all the drama, intended or not, that it often brings. Yes – even with low-drama people. At such times, it can become hard to think. People who know … Continue reading

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What does it mean when you want someone to be jealous of you?

As I write this post, the most popular post on my blog these days, by far, is the one about why human beings get jealous. I noticed that a good number of the search terms hitting that post say things … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Debate!, Love and compassion | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Ask for help even when you don’t totally need it

We tend to ask for help when (a) what we need help with is not a big deal, and (b) when we desperately need help with something, often at times when we should have asked long ago. The fact that … Continue reading

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The difference between envy and jealousy

Envy is a natural feeling of wanting what somebody else has. Jealousy, however, is qualitatively different. Whereas envy simply says, “I want what you have,” jealousy says, “I can’t stand that you have something I don’t,” usually followed up with … Continue reading

Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Love and compassion, Short posts | Tagged , , , , | 5 Comments

Getting the most out of the loves of our lives

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” –Rumi There is something about the way much of modern society views love outside of … Continue reading

Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Debate!, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Long posts, Love and compassion, Making connection | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

The “monogamy vs. polyamory” debate – how can you know which relationship style is right for you?

When monogamy and polyamory get talked about seriously, lots of assumptions can often pop up. People of one view can get into a mode of thinking that looks down on people that think differently about things.

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The wonderful, liberating power … of dispassionateness

Oh yeah, let’s get excited! We’re going to get … dispassionate. Cool. Calm. Composed. Collected. And it’s going to be AWESOME. 🙂 I’m not joking. I’m telling you – sometimes there’s nothing that feels more awesome and life-giving than when … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Healing, Love and compassion | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The enduring value of partnership

Pretty much everything we do in life, generally, will at some point involve interaction with somebody else, or many other people. These interactions can be transitory, or they can be longer lasting, and while long-lasting interaction tends to make the … Continue reading

Posted in Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Love and compassion, Making connection | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

It’s good to lose it every once in a while

Over the past year, I felt this weird unease about the way my life was going: it seemed, just a little too much, like I was doing good. Like I was on top, like I was untouchable (or at least … Continue reading

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You’re not feeling everything that you really feel

Have you ever noticed, when you look back on a past event, that you feel much differently now looking back on it than you did when you were going through it? When all is said and done, what counts most … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Healing, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Long posts, Love and compassion, Personal reflections, Staying strong | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Why I hate “will you marry me?” and other such loaded on-the-spot proposals

Loaded questions are okay to ask as long as they don’t demand an answer right away. When it comes to big decisions in your life, like getting married, such questions should not be approached with an “answer me now” attitude. … Continue reading

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You can’t hurry love – and there ain’t no substitute

And you can’t hurry anything else that you really want. You can try, but sometimes, it just has to take its time coming. Have you ever felt, at some time in your life, like you want to fast-forward through a … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Developing trust, Love and compassion | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

It’s ok to not be ready

This is one of those things that you can’t force. When you aren’t ready, you just aren’t ready. And nothing that you do or say is going to change that. It’s one of those things for which there is nothing … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Healing, Love and compassion, Staying strong | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments

The real prize we’re all in search of

Why make money, form friendships, fall in love, suffer people and things you don’t like, and all that jazz? What are we really looking for? The answer to that question is not easy, and it does vary from person to … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Healing, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Long posts, Love and compassion, Making connection | Tagged , , , , , | 8 Comments

Why men are the sexual hunters and women are considered “keepers of sex” – and what can be done to address this imbalance

Pretty much anywhere you go, men are conceived as the “horndog gender.” Men are viewed as the ones who will always want sex more, who are always quicker to sexualize a relationship, to make things about sex. And this does … Continue reading

Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Debate!, Long posts, Love and compassion, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

The real reasons why people get jealous – and why jealousy is so powerful

Jealousy is one of those demons that just seems to take everything over when it is felt – even when you know on the inside that your jealousy doesn’t make sense somehow, it often still rips through and takes you … Continue reading

Posted in Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Love and compassion, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , | 50 Comments

How to keep your head on straight when you suddenly fall in love

Oh, it’s a powerful feeling. It affects all the senses, one’s preferences, one’s decision-making, one’s desires … EVERYTHING. And then, it’s gone. You’re not in love anymore! After a while, things return to normal, and you look back and see … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Developing trust, Love and compassion | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

How to get good at empathizing

Those who see the infinite value of human connection and focus more and more on it start noticing something: empathy is everywhere. Or, at the very least, it is needed everywhere. So often, the first basic underpinning to doing anything meaningful involving another … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Healing, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Long posts, Love and compassion, Making connection, Pass on the positivity!, Staying strong | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Avoiding the life-wrecking scarcity model of thinking

Underlying many of our greatest fears in life is the feeling that we will be abandoned, left out. That there won’t be enough of something left for us, and our needs will be forgotten. We’ll get trampled or left behind, … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Healing, Love and compassion, Short posts | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

ASK for clarification

When you look back on situations of conflict, so many awful things seem to happen solely because of some kind of misunderstanding. Especially between friends and loved ones – people close to you – the stakes are higher because of … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Love and compassion, Short posts | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments

It needs to be said: holidays can really suck sometimes

Now – if you’re totally enjoying your holidays… GREAT! Flush this post from your mind, please, and continue enjoying yourself. I don’t want to get in the way of that. But if this rings a bell, please keep reading. We are … Continue reading

Posted in Conflict and dealing with negativity, Love and compassion | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Just being there makes all the difference

Recently, I spent some time with somebody dear to me. Unfortunately, she wasn’t completely available to hang out – she had to do a few Internet-related chores, and asked me if it was ok that our hang-out time be interrupted … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Love and compassion, Pass on the positivity! | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

More than “just sex,” but perhaps not totally “making love,” either

Have you ever wanted to have sex that is both not too attached and at the same time not completely detached, either? You know, something that doesn’t make great promises about tomorrow, next week, and next year, but still fully … Continue reading

Posted in Love and compassion, Making connection, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

To be loved for who you are proud to be

There was an older woman in the bar, must have been possibly between 60 and 70 years old… who was smiling, kind of minding her own business, doing her thing… except that she was getting a lot of staring attention … Continue reading

Posted in Debate!, Love and compassion, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

To be validated; when it’s good to hear someone else say something you already know

I give out a whole lot of advice here on this blog. I started this blog because I was giving out a whole lot of advice and perspective to a number of my friends, and realized that I was telling … Continue reading

Posted in Healing, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Love and compassion | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Be somebody’s fresh air!

There’s a 7 foot / 2.2 meter tall guy, a person with a marked skin condition that stands out as “not normal,” a porn actress, someone who stutters, and a disabled person who moves using a wheelchair. What do they … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Love and compassion, Pass on the positivity!, Short posts | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

“Chemistry” and being “in love” – does it have to fade away?

It is often said that when you find someone that you really click well with, you’ll have the “honeymoon” period, when you’re in love and feel this deep desire – and then, after a while, it all fades out, and … Continue reading

Posted in Developing trust, Love and compassion | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Seeing deeper

by ~laylapersia (original post here) . The scars on my wrist represent pain; hurt which I wear just beneath my sleeve. . Also on my heart. Hidden, yet no less intense. . Moreso, for all the scars which we wear … Continue reading

Posted in Love and compassion, Personal reflections, Poetry, song, and other art, Short posts | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

It’s ok to be self-centered

In fact, it’s totally, completely necessary. You are the only person you have to live with every second of your life! If you aren’t self-centered, how can you be centered? There are a lot of myths out there about how … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Love and compassion, Staying strong | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

The problem with secretly keeping score

Have you ever had a relationship with someone that was always threatened by tit-for-tat “negotiations” over small things? You know, like “we ate at the restaurant you wanted to go to last time. Now it’s my turn.” Stuff like this … Continue reading

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How to be a better lover

The questions are always flying around: “what can I do to spice up my lovelife a bit?” Whether it’s on a date, in bed, living together, spending some time apart, it seems that some folks are better lovers than others. … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Love and compassion, Pass on the positivity!, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

A good divorce is as much cause to celebrate as a good marriage

Unfortunately, it’s even rarer. A few days ago I went to the family court in my area for a case that was pulled last of all, which meant I got to observe the other cases. Among these others were a … Continue reading

Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Love and compassion | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Adolf Hitler and the 9/11 bombers never had any bad intentions

Bad consequences/outcome? Yes, HORRIBLE. But not for bad intentions. No bad intentions here. Only good ones. What is a “bad intention?” And why in the world is it so important whether mass murderers have good or bad intentions? Because the … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Debate!, Love and compassion | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

A Daddy That Serves… in Pain: One man’s perspective on loving and giving – and yet, being invisible

One night I was reading through journal entries on a website, and I stumbled across this: a man’s plea to be heard and be loved for who he truly is. He is a transman, that is, someone who was born … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Beliefs and worldview, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Long posts, Love and compassion, Personal reflections, Sex and sexuality, Staying strong | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Show honor to how other people choose to identify themselves

One of the best ways to respect somebody is to honor how they self-define. For example, somebody who looks to you like a man wishes to be addressed as “she” and referred to as a woman. The right thing to … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Beliefs and worldview, Love and compassion, Pass on the positivity! | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

This thread tore at my heart

Somebody on Reddit posted that she needed something that would help her to cry, and asked for others to post videos, pictures, stories, and other media that have made them cry. I clicked some of the links, took a look … Continue reading

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Saying you’re sorry and meaning it. How to apologize without conditions

Pride is a powerful motivator, and we often think that apologizing is humiliating. So we qualify our apologies with “if” and other riders: “I’m sorry if what I said offended you.” “I’m sorry you took what I said the wrong … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Love and compassion | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

The art of disarming: a better way to settle conflict

We often get caught up in a cycle of threats; I feel threatened by somebody, so I harden up and put out “don’t fuck with me” signals. The other person gets intimidated on their end, and they do the same. … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Healing, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Love and compassion, Pass on the positivity! | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Desire, attraction, and the sacred middle ground

Love is wonderful when it works. But we push love away so often because we are afraid it won’t work. Even with those we are supposed to love most. The vulnerability required to realize true intimacy can be a major … Continue reading

Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Developing trust, Long posts, Love and compassion, Pass on the positivity!, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Letter to a friend: I’m lonely, and I want to share this with you

I just wrote the following to a friend of mine – a little venting for my soul: =================== My loneliness is not a desperate one. I’m just aware of it and know that I’ll be better off expressing it. I’ve … Continue reading

Posted in Healing, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Love and compassion, Personal reflections | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments