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The 10 most read posts of the past 48 hours
- 9 reasons why men are insecure about their penis size
- What does it mean when you want someone to be jealous of you?
- More than "just sex," but perhaps not totally "making love," either
- On not labeling your relationships
- How to keep your head on straight when you suddenly fall in love
- How to apologize sincerely without feeling weak and humiliated
- The wonderful, liberating power ... of dispassionateness
- The nitty-gritty of using condoms: a conversation we don't have nearly often enough
- The very important difference between a feeling and a state of mind
- Letter to a friend: I'm lonely, and I want to share this with you
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Full list of posts
- Is righteous hatred a good thing? 2017/08/27
- How to respectfully talk about deep disagreements 2017/06/01
- Why we must stop referring to undocumented immigrants as “illegal” — immediately 2017/05/02
- Let’s talk about how we experience challenges to our privilege. We don’t do this enough. 2016/05/12
- Find “your people” 2016/05/06
- An anonymous letter to those “nice people” that do “favors” so they can sleep with people 2014/11/14
- 6 examples of what creepy behavior is, and how to avoid it 2014/07/14
- Why don’t people just say what they mean and mean what they say? 2014/06/02
- Exploring distinct kinds of attraction 2014/05/05
- Sometimes, when you want to welcome the new, you have to kick out the old crying and screaming 2014/04/23
- What is not being said or noticed? 2014/04/07
- Some things I’ve learned about recognizing, coping with, and fighting oppression and bigotry 2014/03/04
- The laws of benevolent (and harmful) behavior 2014/01/24
- Intelligence and compassion are not two separate things 2013/09/16
- Is competition bad? 2013/08/09
- What you feel is never wrong 2013/07/22
- What your awareness says about your trustworthiness – and how “safe” a person you are 2013/07/02
- Why you should learn how to speak nonjudgmentally 2013/06/22
- Positive thinking should be valued higher than other kinds of thinking 2013/06/14
- Meet my role model for situations of high tension: the hostage negotiator 2013/05/12
- Privilege is a much less unpleasant topic once we let ourselves be fully aware of it 2013/04/24
- What will it take to stop the violence? 2013/04/19
- How “leaving people a way out” calms tensions 2013/04/07
- Compersion: a word we should all become familiar with 2013/03/28
- “Today you … tomorrow me” (or, “why I often pick up hitchhikers”) 2013/03/17
- What is “listening?” 2013/03/11
- Pay as much attention to why things are right as you do to why they are wrong 2013/03/04
- When “attention” is a disease you don’t want to catch 2013/02/23
- When overall reality trumps ‘facts’ and ‘logic’ 2013/02/11
- Get off the script! 2013/01/23
- On not labeling your relationships 2013/01/10
- I’ll have more respect for your point of view if you demonstrate respect for points of view you don’t agree with 2013/01/02
- What do I want for the holidays? Nothing, actually. 2012/12/19
- Some thoughts about individuals who go on deadly shooting sprees 2012/12/15
- The insidiousness of dogma – and how it affects our ability to be happy 2012/12/03
- Soundbites don’t make a discussion 2012/11/23
- Why greater investment in finding a romantic match often leads to lesser returns; some thoughts 2012/11/08
- What the heck does “positive” mean, anyway? Here are 22 ways I’ve come to understand “positivity” 2012/10/23
- Why do people believe anecdotes and stories more than real statistics? 2012/10/11
- There is no talking to someone who won’t listen. Talk to those that will listen instead 2012/10/03
- What does it mean when you want someone to be jealous of you? 2012/09/26
- A murderer is not just a murderer 2012/09/20
- Feminism is NOT enough by itself to liberate men from the problems they confront; a treatise on male empowerment 2012/09/03
- Who do you think you aren’t? 2012/08/22
- Ask for help even when you don’t totally need it 2012/08/13
- One atheist’s understanding of the message of Jesus Christ 2012/08/06
- The nitty-gritty of using condoms: a conversation we don’t have nearly often enough 2012/07/25
- The difference between envy and jealousy 2012/07/11
- Getting the most out of the loves of our lives 2012/07/05
- The primordial soup of new feelings 2012/06/28
- The “monogamy vs. polyamory” debate – how can you know which relationship style is right for you? 2012/06/22
- The “awesomeness” of lack of pretense 2012/05/30
- The wonderful, liberating power … of dispassionateness 2012/05/04
- Intimacy takes time 2012/04/17
- Living in the truth 2012/04/05
- The enduring value of partnership 2012/03/23
- It’s good to lose it every once in a while 2012/03/18
- When the weather gets ugly, keep your hands firmly on the steering wheel 2012/03/14
- You’re not feeling everything that you really feel 2012/03/10
- Why I hate “will you marry me?” and other such loaded on-the-spot proposals 2012/03/06
- You can’t hurry love – and there ain’t no substitute 2012/03/02
- It’s ok to not be ready 2012/02/27
- The real prize we’re all in search of 2012/02/23
- “Do I worry too much?” 2012/02/18
- Why men are the sexual hunters and women are considered “keepers of sex” – and what can be done to address this imbalance 2012/02/14
- Forgive, but don’t forget (for different reasons than you might think) 2012/02/11
- The real reasons why people get jealous – and why jealousy is so powerful 2012/02/07
- How to apologize… without meaning it? 2012/02/03
- Those supernatural, divine moments in life are not exceptions – they’re CALLINGS 2012/01/29
- How to keep your head on straight when you suddenly fall in love 2012/01/25
- You’re always there (a poem about the sky :-) 2012/01/19
- When there’s nothing more to say… 2012/01/14
- Why are so many people such jerks? 2012/01/10
- Where you’re going is more important than where you are 2012/01/06
- How to get good at empathizing 2012/01/02
- Avoiding the life-wrecking scarcity model of thinking 2011/12/29
- Have high hope, but low expectations 2011/12/26
- ASK for clarification 2011/12/21
- It needs to be said: holidays can really suck sometimes 2011/12/18
- Don’t do something just because you “should” 2011/12/15
- Good people finding good people – that’s what makes being alive feel special to me 2011/12/12
- Despite what it may seem, “forever” is usually not a very good thing – even in love 2011/12/09
- The top 5 things people who are close to dying regret when they look back at their life 2011/12/06
- The joy of non-sequiturs – or, when dead lions come back to life as chickens 2011/12/03
- How to apologize sincerely without feeling weak and humiliated 2011/11/30
- Just being there makes all the difference 2011/11/26
- You should really get good at this game 2011/11/23
- More than “just sex,” but perhaps not totally “making love,” either 2011/11/19
- To be loved for who you are proud to be 2011/11/16
- Don’t always protect people from your truth. It won’t make things right 2011/11/13
- To be validated; when it’s good to hear someone else say something you already know 2011/11/10
- Sexual orientation doesn’t tell the whole story about attraction 2011/11/07
- “Your mother didn’t tell you the truth” 2011/11/06
- Sometimes I just want to come home 2011/11/03
- How important is sex, really? 2011/10/31
- We can do way better than either-or thinking 2011/10/28
- Recommended resource: The Four Agreements 2011/10/27
- An anonymous open letter to people in abusive relationships who want to stay in the relationship despite the abuse 2011/10/24
- Be somebody’s fresh air! 2011/10/21
- It’s not all about the private parts; on not assigning a gender to newborn children 2011/10/18
- “Chemistry” and being “in love” – does it have to fade away? 2011/10/14
- Seeing deeper 2011/10/05
- The real meaning of “safer sex” 2011/10/02
- Safer sex in practice: 15 risk factors that are not given enough attention 2011/09/28
- The limits (and benefits) of professional mental therapy 2011/09/21
- The power of vulnerability 2011/08/28
- A different way to look at romantic relationships 2011/08/13
- Change IS reality – in fact, it is reality’s driving force 2011/08/05
- A MANifesto for the 21st Century 2011/07/28
- It’s ok to be self-centered 2011/07/25
- The problem with secretly keeping score 2011/07/17
- Yin and Yang – a useful way to approach complex truth 2011/07/02
- The opportunity of adversity 2010/04/17
- How to be a better lover 2010/04/13
- A good divorce is as much cause to celebrate as a good marriage 2010/04/11
- Remember to breathe 2010/04/09
- I’ve been away for a little while 2010/04/08
- When love makes the pain feel good 2010/03/31
- Adolf Hitler and the 9/11 bombers never had any bad intentions 2010/03/29
- A Daddy That Serves… in Pain: One man’s perspective on loving and giving – and yet, being invisible 2010/03/27
- Sexual orientation is about much more than which gender you prefer 2010/03/25
- Can positive people be sad or depressed? 2010/03/22
- Things to remember when listening to somebody 2010/03/21
- How to listen well: start by listening to yourself 2010/03/19
- An idea is never born unaccompanied by a goal 2010/03/17
- Show honor to how other people choose to identify themselves 2010/03/15
- This thread tore at my heart 2010/03/13
- Saying you’re sorry and meaning it. How to apologize without conditions 2010/03/11
- How to talk to kids about sex, without lying to them 2010/03/09
- Do NOT compartmentalize how somebody acts toward another person 2010/03/07
- 9 reasons why men are insecure about their penis size 2010/03/03
- The art of disarming: a better way to settle conflict 2010/03/02
- No. Don’t hurry up. Think it over and take your sweet time. 2010/02/27
- Desire, attraction, and the sacred middle ground 2010/02/25
- The best way to be truthful is to channel the truth correctly 2010/02/23
- Desire for control: the roots of fascination with sex and violence 2010/02/20
- Kink, fetish, BDSM… what is all that stuff really about, anyway? 2010/02/17
- Game changers: How to change your state of mind 2010/02/15
- The real reason religion is so powerful 2010/02/14
- When a former asset has become a burden 2010/02/10
- Phone conversation? Or should you text? Or email? 2010/02/09
- Feminism: it’s all about taking back femininity 2010/02/08
- Letter to a friend: I’m lonely, and I want to share this with you 2010/02/07
- All of us – even the worst among us – are awesome… 2010/02/07
- The very important difference between a feeling and a state of mind 2010/02/06
- It’s time to rant again! 2010/02/05
- If you have nothing nice to say… 2010/02/04
- Love enough to let go. A song for thought 2010/02/03
- Have faith that there is always a reason 2010/02/02
- This kind of thinking really should be killed off 2010/02/01
- Can revenge ever really be justice? 2010/01/31
- Don’t be ashamed to cry 2010/01/30
- How to get in touch with your sense of justice 2010/01/29
- Long live Howard Zinn 2010/01/28
- Need a quick laugh? You’ve got to see these 2010/01/27
- What about when somebody just doesn’t make sense? 2010/01/26
- What if you just can’t be open-minded right now? 2010/01/25
- Positive self-talk: life is a film, not a photograph 2010/01/24
- 10 reasons we often think negatively about sex 2010/01/23
- REAL LISTENING: a priceless and immeasurably valuable skill 2010/01/21
- Somebody was spoiling for a fight with me… 2010/01/20
- The power of asking questions 2010/01/20
- Proposal for Obama: give Haiti the attention you give Afghanistan 2010/01/18
- Recommended resource: Steve Pavlina’s personal development writings 2010/01/17
- What is real, unconditional love? 2010/01/15
- Why I am an atheist (and why you don’t have to be one) 2010/01/14
- Is there a god? 2010/01/13
- “Avatar” is a wonderful movie 2010/01/11
- I’m feeling really negative right now 2010/01/09
- The fallacy of “being right” 2010/01/09
- Thought of the day: what is a fact, anyway? 2010/01/08
- A short film on dealing with the human ego 2010/01/07
- “Act like an adult” is not always a good idea 2010/01/06
- The destructiveness of the modern idea of masculinity 2010/01/03
- Positive irony, yeah! 2010/01/02
- What can I do, and what do YOU do, to be a positive person? 2010/01/01
- A New Year’s message to those of you who aren’t doing so well 2010/01/01
- Awesome example of fighting violence and racism with positive energy 2009/12/31
- My personal method for evaluating whether to trust somebody 2009/12/30
- A chat excerpt about understanding people who act destructively 2009/12/29
- A new beginning 2009/12/29
Tag Archives: listening
Why don’t people just say what they mean and mean what they say?
The short answer is because what you are saying can be very different from what your audience hears. The longer answer is because what you say is hardly ever all that you mean – no matter how honest you think … Continue reading →
Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Debate!, Developing trust
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Tagged communication, honesty, listening, meaning, sharing, truth, understanding
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1 Comment
Intelligence and compassion are not two separate things
What is the point of intelligence if it doesn’t make somebody’s life better or more enriched? So much of what we think of as “intelligence” is misused. Misused so that we can hurt other people. So that we can feel better … Continue reading →
Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Debate!, Making connection, Short posts
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Tagged compassion, intelligence, listening
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2 Comments
What your awareness says about your trustworthiness – and how “safe” a person you are
I’ve known many people, including myself, that have a lot of trouble just being themselves. You can get into a lot of unfortunate trouble if you don’t develop a fine-tuned filter. We all know there are certain things you can’t … Continue reading →
Meet my role model for situations of high tension: the hostage negotiator
“What would Jesus do?” say some. “What would Grandma do?” say others. These figures, who often are not with us, serve as inspiration to be somebody better, to “take the high road” at challenging moments. For me, when such moments … Continue reading →
What will it take to stop the violence?
Why do violent acts happen? There are a thousand answers to this question. But not all of these answers are easily known. Especially when you are talking not about one single act of violence, but rather the continued stream of … Continue reading →
Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Beliefs and worldview, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Debate!, Healing
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Tagged coercion, listening, safety, society, violence
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1 Comment
What is “listening?”
This is so damn important! If I ruled the world, “listening” would be as much a part of the school curriculum as mathematics or language or history. It would continue to be a required course in higher education also! It’s … Continue reading →
I’ll have more respect for your point of view if you demonstrate respect for points of view you don’t agree with
I trust some salespeople more than others – and I’m more likely to buy from folks I trust, of course. What inspires my trust in a salesperson? Things like knowing what you’re talking about and being able to address my … Continue reading →
Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Developing trust, Short posts
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Tagged listening, point of view, respect, sales, trust
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1 Comment
The insidiousness of dogma – and how it affects our ability to be happy
Anything, even the greatest, most wonderful of things, can be ruined for somebody if they have bad experiences with it. Nothing has an absolute quality of greatness or awfulness. Each individual feels things relative to their own experience. The best things … Continue reading →
Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Debate!, Developing trust
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Tagged belief, change, dogma, listening, open-mindedness, truth
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7 Comments
Soundbites don’t make a discussion
The further along we get in media and Tweeting and texting, the more it seems people want to pack as much information into as little time as possible. This is often an admirable goal; when you can state a point … Continue reading →
Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Debate!
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Tagged audience, Debate!, discussion, listening, understanding
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1 Comment
There is no talking to someone who won’t listen. Talk to those that will listen instead
I am often witness to situations in which a conversation is going on between two people. Or, at least, that is what supposed to be happening. In reality, somebody is not listening. But often, even though somebody is not listening, … Continue reading →
Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Healing, Making connection, Short posts
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Tagged attention, communication, conversation, listening, talking, understanding
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2 Comments
The wonderful, liberating power … of dispassionateness
Oh yeah, let’s get excited! We’re going to get … dispassionate. Cool. Calm. Composed. Collected. And it’s going to be AWESOME. 🙂 I’m not joking. I’m telling you – sometimes there’s nothing that feels more awesome and life-giving than when … Continue reading →
Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Healing, Love and compassion
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Tagged acknowledgement, balance, calm, dispassionateness, emotion, feelings, listening
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2 Comments
How to apologize sincerely without feeling weak and humiliated
Feeling sorry about something does not mean you should necessarily feel weak. The fact that you did something wrong does not make you a less worthy person. Apologizing is a gesture of humility – thus there is a certain amount … Continue reading →
The limits (and benefits) of professional mental therapy
Therapists. Shrinks. Counselors. Sometimes, you just need one, to help tackle a deeper problem. But sometimes that’s not what you really need. When therapy is applied correctly, it can work, and very well. But often, people go to therapists for … Continue reading →
A MANifesto for the 21st Century
There is a lot of talk about how women face a multitude of problems that men do not (something that is still true, even in most developed countries). In the past 100 years, feminist movements of many different stripes have … Continue reading →
Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Debate!, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Personal reflections, Sex and sexuality, Staying strong
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Tagged choice, empathy, empowerment, feminism, gender, heal, honesty, insecurity, listening, macho, male, manhood, masculinity, men, patience, positive energy, power, self-awareness, self-control, self-empowerment, sex, sexes, strength, threat, vulnerability, wrong
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1 Comment
It’s ok to be self-centered
In fact, it’s totally, completely necessary. You are the only person you have to live with every second of your life! If you aren’t self-centered, how can you be centered? There are a lot of myths out there about how … Continue reading →
Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Love and compassion, Staying strong
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Tagged balance, behavior, bible, ego, egocentrism, giving, god, heroes, Jesus Christ, listening, myth, respect, self, selfishness, selflessness, service, wrong, yinyang
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6 Comments
Adolf Hitler and the 9/11 bombers never had any bad intentions
Bad consequences/outcome? Yes, HORRIBLE. But not for bad intentions. No bad intentions here. Only good ones. What is a “bad intention?” And why in the world is it so important whether mass murderers have good or bad intentions? Because the … Continue reading →
Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Debate!, Love and compassion
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Tagged abuse, Adolf Hitler, agenda, anger, behavior, communication, consequences, control, drama, fear, forgiveness, genocide, hope, insult, intentions, justice, life, listening, mindset, mistakes, motivation, murderer, negativity, optimism, perspective, point of view, revenge, self-control, suicide bombing, terrorism, understanding, violence
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6 Comments
Things to remember when listening to somebody
It’s not all about you. In fact, it’s all about them right now. The other person’s point of view is as valid as yours, no matter how crazy it might sound. In fact, if you choose to listen to it, … Continue reading →
Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Personal reflections, Short posts
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Tagged dictums, hints, lessons, listening, mementos, pointers, right, tips, understanding
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5 Comments
How to listen well: start by listening to yourself
You can search for and easily find techniques for how to listen well. Here, I want to focus on how a good listener thinks, rather than what they do. First thing that must be said: You will be a better … Continue reading →
Posted in Achieving peace and understanding
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Tagged anger, argument, attention, balance, body, consciousness, control, egocentrism, expectations, feelings, hurt, learning, listening, maturity, meditation, mind, needs, second nature, self, self-awareness, self-communication, self-examination, thinking, thoughts, understading
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9 Comments
An idea is never born unaccompanied by a goal
When people talk about being “unbiased,” or “impartial,” they often forget that this is an oxymoron, because ideas don’t exist independently of goals. Trying to be “unbiased” is a bias in and of itself! Every idea has at least one … Continue reading →
Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Beliefs and worldview, Debate!
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Tagged acceptance, answer, association, bias, communication, concept, conversation, curiousness, disagreement, dogma, goal, idea, impartiality, listening, question, thinking, thought, truth, unbiased
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2 Comments
The art of disarming: a better way to settle conflict
We often get caught up in a cycle of threats; I feel threatened by somebody, so I harden up and put out “don’t fuck with me” signals. The other person gets intimidated on their end, and they do the same. … Continue reading →
Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Healing, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Love and compassion, Pass on the positivity!
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Tagged acceptance, acknowledgement, agreement, anger, blame, compassion, conflict, conquering, consensual, consensus, defensiveness, disarming, discomfort, distrust, experience, fight, hangups, imposition, impulse, insecurity, insult, listening, love, negativity, olive branch, peace, power, problem, rationality, reason, relationships, safety, situation, threat, threatening, trust, understanding, unsafe
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3 Comments
Game changers: How to change your state of mind
Being able to shape your state of mind is key to maturity. While you certainly don’t want to micromanage the way you think (often it’s beneficial to just let your emotions roam rather than trying to control them), knowing how … Continue reading →
Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Staying strong
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Tagged balance, change, confusion, control, desire, desperation, discomfort, dissatisfaction, emotion, fear, feel, feelings, friends, help, listen, listening, love, maturity, postivity, serious, sharing, state of mind, thinking, thoughts, trust, truth
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14 Comments
If you have nothing nice to say…
…think of something that ain’t too mean, but makes your objection clear. If you don’t let yourself be muzzled, your expression will buy you the time and mental relief to think of something nice to follow it up with. However … Continue reading →
Posted in Conflict and dealing with negativity, Personal reflections, Short posts
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Tagged expression, listening, mean, mental, mind, nasty, nice, say, speak, speech
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Leave a comment
Can revenge ever really be justice?
I remember when arguing with my ex how, when one of us was angry, we didn’t seem to feel satisfied until the other was also angry. This did two things: It made us feel that the other really took us … Continue reading →
Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity
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Tagged argument, desire, emotion, equal, equality, equilibrium, fairness, feelings, future, Gandhi, justice, listening, Martin Luther King Jr, negativity, past, point of view, postivity, present, progress, progression, progressive, revenge, right, understanding, vengeance, vengeful, wrong
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3 Comments
How to get in touch with your sense of justice
We often have very different senses of what is fair. And it goes deeper than we realize, penetrating right down to the unspoken. Sometimes, we even secretly think things like “this wasn’t as fun for me as it was for … Continue reading →
Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Beliefs and worldview
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Tagged anger, awareness, boundaries, compensation, deserve, deserving, fair, fairness, hidden, injustice, just, justice, listening, motivation, parameters, point of view, self-awareness, sense, stand, understanding, unjust, unspoken, wrong
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9 Comments
REAL LISTENING: a priceless and immeasurably valuable skill
If there was one thing I wish people learned much, much more than they do now, it would be how to truly listen. Because we human beings are really starving for good listening. So many times, so many conflicts would … Continue reading →
Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Developing trust, Love and compassion, Personal reflections
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Tagged action, actions, be heard, best friend, better, calm, care, caring, context, conversation, critical, crucial, desperate, drama, emotion, emotions, friend, heal, Healing, healing energy, hear, hear me out, hear out, hearing, human, human being, human beings, human existence, important, judgment, knee-jerk reaction, learn, learning, listen, listening, listening without judgment, loud, love, often, open, open-minded, openness, perspective, radical, rare, reaction, resolution, resolve, resources, respond, secret, skill, skills, starving, trust, understanding, validation, vital, word, words
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18 Comments
Why I am an atheist (and why you don’t have to be one)
My use of the word “atheist” relates to the most common conceptions about “God”: The thought of God as a living being with human feelings [any more than a star or galaxy is such a being]. The thinking that God … Continue reading →
Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Debate!
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Tagged agnostic, agnosticism, allah, atheism, atheist, belief, bible, closed-minded, closed-mindedness, creed, deity, dogma, god, him, koran, listening, monotheism, open-minded, open-mindedness, positive energy, quran, rational, rationality, religion, religious, understanding
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8 Comments
My personal method for evaluating whether to trust somebody
One of the key skills to acquiring positive juice is to know whom to trust. Trust is a wonderful thing. It feels so good… to trust. That’s why so many of us tend to trust somebody even when we shouldn’t–we … Continue reading →
Posted in Developing trust, Long posts
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Tagged boundaries, brutally honest, choice, coercion, consideration, dogma, drama, honesty, judgment, judgmental, judgmentalism, listen, listening, openness, sharing, suicide bombing, trust, trustworthy
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9 Comments
A chat excerpt about understanding people who act destructively
Here is an excerpt from an online chat I had with someone about how to understand people who act destructively. ===================== me: The best way to both listen to somebody and be prepared for certain miscues, I think, is to … Continue reading →
Posted in Conflict and dealing with negativity, Personal reflections
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Tagged chat, conflict, listening, psychology, understanding
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1 Comment
Positive Juice 