When a former asset has become a burden

It could be a deep relationship that just needs to change. Or a job that you were once happy to have, but now causes you stress. Or a lifestyle habit you have that once was awesome, but now has become dull.

It’s ok to hold onto or rely on something. Except when it’s not ok. When it is no longer benefiting us, but rather causing us to close up and become irritated or insecure… it’s time to let go.

I am going through one of those times right now. I have a lot of old patterns that have worked for me for a long time – but they are getting in the way now. Assumptions that I have made about my life: I’m busy, I’m too stocked with things to do, I don’t have time, I can’t take a moment now, I can’t spend time with friends, I can’t love everyone all the time, I’m not ready to move on, I’m not ready to rearrange my life, I’m not ready to let go, I’m not ready to commit.

All these things might be true at one or another moment. But I have fallen into a pattern of holding onto these little excuses. And this weekend and into this week, as anyone who saw the personal tone of my posts knows, I got corrected by karma. I’ve been contemplatively depressed.

The good news is, I know this will sort out if I charge at it, as opposed to running away. It’s not the truth that hurts; it’s the hiding from the truth for so long and then finding out how much you’ve missed once you can’t avoid it any longer. That can hurt like thirst from dehydration in the desert.

I use the analogy of a car in a skid. We are taught in driving school that if you skid, you should turn in the direction of the skid. Skidding left? Turn the steering wheel to the left to regain traction. This is a bit counterintuitive and takes some trust, but it works.

So if something is bothering you inside and preventing you from being at a state of peace, rather than fighting it or ignoring it… you must turn into the skid. Confront it directly. Plunge into it. Meditate on your fear or hang-up head on… alone or with a very trusted friend. Even if the problem feels insignificant… it might not be. When you meditate on it and focus on it, you might turn over one of the rocks in your soul and find way more rot and maggots than you thought were there.

But the good news is that, once you deal with these obstacles to peace, the peace you feel afterward is even more reassuring and complete than it would have been had you not “turned into the skid.” And you start developing peace-fostering patterns. Gradually, the process of confronting things inside yourself becomes more and more automatic and easier to do, and you start to radiate safe, peaceful energy outward and begin to have an awesome power to help other people work miracles in their lives. They open up to you and let you in, and often become willing to do a lot for you that they wouldn’t do for many other people.

This does NOT all happen in a vacuum. We humans are social animals, not rocks; we need reassurance that we are ok, that we are lovable, that we are awesome. Don’t ever forget that. I went too long without that kind of give and take, and it knocked me for a good spin. Recruit people you know and love and can trust to help you charge at the problem. That’s what I’m going to do.

And with that, I say to the readers who know me personally: I need your help. I will be going through some transitions in the next few months that I am afraid to face alone. I’ll be in touch. 🙂

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3 Responses to When a former asset has become a burden

  1. Awesome “turning with the skid” analogy – it really drives the point home at a deeper level. The reason it works, such as in the instance of a car, is that you are re-shifting momentum into where you are heading, so it allows your tires to get back on tract, and then you have enough control again to swerve away from whatever it is you might hit.

    I think you have all the wisdom you need – you just need some encouragement and motivation. You don’t need any of our help…just keep doing what you are doing and know that your skilled enough to get it done.

    Great post.

    • Thanks for the encouragement! I do feel like I have the skills to recover, but one of these skills that is often severely underused especially by men is asking for help and support from your friends, and not being afraid to ask for it. I did this here on my blog because I want folks to see it in action – this is one of the skills!

  2. Pingback: Game changers: How to change your state of mind « Positive Juice

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