Category Archives: Developing trust

How to respectfully talk about deep disagreements

The way local and world events are going at the moment, there is a growing desire to engage. To talk to one another! And this is good. In these turbulent times, we need to be talking to each other. But … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Beliefs and worldview, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Long posts | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

Find “your people”

It’s been a year and a half since I last wrote for this blog. Why? Partially because I had other priorities, but also because, truthfully, I haven’t felt like I’ve had a lot of additional positive stuff to share. I … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Making connection | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Why don’t people just say what they mean and mean what they say?

The short answer is because what you are saying can be very different from what your audience hears. The longer answer is because what you say is hardly ever all that you mean – no matter how honest you think … Continue reading

Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Debate!, Developing trust | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The laws of benevolent (and harmful) behavior

One of the things that stops us from being ourselves is when we think that the world is out to get us. Or not even just the world. The people around us. Our coworkers. Our neighbors. Members of our family. … Continue reading

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What your awareness says about your trustworthiness – and how “safe” a person you are

I’ve known many people, including myself, that have a lot of trouble just being themselves. You can get into a lot of unfortunate trouble if you don’t develop a fine-tuned filter. We all know there are certain things you can’t … Continue reading

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Why you should learn how to speak nonjudgmentally

“I talked to this loser today, who has no life and seems to think no one else should either. Instead of engaging with me, he stared ahead like a sulky child and refused to fully acknowledge me. The guy’s a … Continue reading

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How “leaving people a way out” calms tensions

We all get to that point with someone sometimes when there’s this big loaded question in the air – one that involves a lot of emotion, and thus potential disappointment. Think “will you marry me?” for example. Sometimes it’s not … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Love and compassion, Making connection | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Compersion: a word we should all become familiar with

We have words in English for when we become upset at someone else’s enjoyment (jealousy) and for when we delight in being better off than someone else (gloating) and even delighting in another’s misery (schadenfreude) … but what do we … Continue reading

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I’ll have more respect for your point of view if you demonstrate respect for points of view you don’t agree with

I trust some salespeople more than others – and I’m more likely to buy from folks I trust, of course. What inspires my trust in a salesperson? Things like knowing what you’re talking about and being able to address my … Continue reading

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The insidiousness of dogma – and how it affects our ability to be happy

Anything, even the greatest, most wonderful of things, can be ruined for somebody if they have bad experiences with it. Nothing has an absolute quality of greatness or awfulness. Each individual feels things relative to their own experience. The best things … Continue reading

Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Debate!, Developing trust | Tagged , , , , , | 5 Comments

Ask for help even when you don’t totally need it

We tend to ask for help when (a) what we need help with is not a big deal, and (b) when we desperately need help with something, often at times when we should have asked long ago. The fact that … Continue reading

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The enduring value of partnership

Pretty much everything we do in life, generally, will at some point involve interaction with somebody else, or many other people. These interactions can be transitory, or they can be longer lasting, and while long-lasting interaction tends to make the … Continue reading

Posted in Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Love and compassion, Making connection | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

You can’t hurry love – and there ain’t no substitute

And you can’t hurry anything else that you really want. You can try, but sometimes, it just has to take its time coming. Have you ever felt, at some time in your life, like you want to fast-forward through a … Continue reading

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“Do I worry too much?”

The fact that one asks themself this question already reveals part of the answer, doesn’t it? Honestly, this is one of my little problems. I think about things  a lot. I reflect, contemplate, hypothesize, extrapolate, rewind, and fast-forward all kinds … Continue reading

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Forgive, but don’t forget (for different reasons than you might think)

Can you really forgive without forgetting? There are some who say that you must forget in order to properly forgive. Put that which you have forgiven out of your mind, and go forth with a pure heart. If you don’t … Continue reading

Posted in Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Healing, Staying strong, Zany or uncategorized stuff | Tagged , , , , | 6 Comments

The real reasons why people get jealous – and why jealousy is so powerful

Jealousy is one of those demons that just seems to take everything over when it is felt – even when you know on the inside that your jealousy doesn’t make sense somehow, it often still rips through and takes you … Continue reading

Posted in Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Love and compassion, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , | 60 Comments

How to apologize… without meaning it?

So I’m looking through the search terms through which people come upon this blog, and one of the ones that seems to come up rather often is some variation on “how to say you’re sorry without meaning it.” Unfortunately for … Continue reading

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How to keep your head on straight when you suddenly fall in love

Oh, it’s a powerful feeling. It affects all the senses, one’s preferences, one’s decision-making, one’s desires … EVERYTHING. And then, it’s gone. You’re not in love anymore! After a while, things return to normal, and you look back and see … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Developing trust, Love and compassion | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

Why are so many people such jerks?

There are self-serving jerks out there, and then there are the rest of us, right? The jerks are the exceptions to the rule. For whatever reason, they feel ok to just go around thinking about nobody but themselves – but … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Long posts | Tagged , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

How to get good at empathizing

Those who see the infinite value of human connection and focus more and more on it start noticing something: empathy is everywhere. Or, at the very least, it is needed everywhere. So often, the first basic underpinning to doing anything meaningful involving another … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Healing, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Long posts, Love and compassion, Making connection, Pass on the positivity!, Staying strong | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

ASK for clarification

When you look back on situations of conflict, so many awful things seem to happen solely because of some kind of misunderstanding. Especially between friends and loved ones – people close to you – the stakes are higher because of … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Love and compassion, Short posts | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments

How to apologize sincerely without feeling weak and humiliated

Feeling sorry about something does not mean you should necessarily feel weak. The fact that you did something wrong does not make you a less worthy person. Apologizing is a gesture of humility – thus there is a certain amount … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Healing, Long posts, Staying strong | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

An anonymous open letter to people in abusive relationships who want to stay in the relationship despite the abuse

NOTE: trigger warning. This post contains graphic discussion of violence in relationships.

Posted in Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Healing, Personal reflections, Staying strong | Tagged , , , , , | 49 Comments

“Chemistry” and being “in love” – does it have to fade away?

It is often said that when you find someone that you really click well with, you’ll have the “honeymoon” period, when you’re in love and feel this deep desire – and then, after a while, it all fades out, and … Continue reading

Posted in Developing trust, Love and compassion | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Do NOT compartmentalize how somebody acts toward another person

It happens all the time. You see somebody insulting, putting down, or otherwise starting conflict with another person, and you tune it out, because this doesn’t happen with you and besides, it’s unpleasant to think about. That other person could … Continue reading

Posted in Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Short posts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The art of disarming: a better way to settle conflict

We often get caught up in a cycle of threats; I feel threatened by somebody, so I harden up and put out “don’t fuck with me” signals. The other person gets intimidated on their end, and they do the same. … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Healing, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Love and compassion, Pass on the positivity! | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

No. Don’t hurry up. Think it over and take your sweet time.

We’re always being told to “hurry up!” “Think fast!” “Make a decision now.” Do you realize how offensive it is to say this when it is not necessary? I find being pressured to hurry up absolutely heinous. Think about this: … Continue reading

Posted in Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Desire, attraction, and the sacred middle ground

Love is wonderful when it works. But we push love away so often because we are afraid it won’t work. Even with those we are supposed to love most. The vulnerability required to realize true intimacy can be a major … Continue reading

Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Developing trust, Long posts, Love and compassion, Pass on the positivity!, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

The best way to be truthful is to channel the truth correctly

We often see the truth as this finite, fixed quality, and ask: why can’t people just be honest? If it were so simple, this wouldn’t be such a widespread complaint. The issue is that truth is much more complicated than … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Debate!, Developing trust | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Kink, fetish, BDSM… what is all that stuff really about, anyway?

Sure it has to do with the fun of role-playing, but much of the time it’s really about something way deeper than that: it’s about the power of healing, something that is so often so hard to get in touch … Continue reading

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Game changers: How to change your state of mind

Being able to shape your state of mind is key to maturity. While you certainly don’t want to micromanage the way you think (often it’s beneficial to just let your emotions roam rather than trying to control them), knowing how … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Staying strong | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Have faith that there is always a reason

So much doesn’t make sense sometimes. You feel like asking why? What brought this on? Did I deserve this? There’s always a reason. You may not always be able to find it out right away. Especially if the reason is … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Beliefs and worldview, Developing trust, Short posts, Staying strong | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

What about when somebody just doesn’t make sense?

The answer is this: they are making sense. You just aren’t seeing the sense they are making yet, because you can’t read their mind. So naturally you don’t see how things fit together for them.

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Developing trust | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

REAL LISTENING: a priceless and immeasurably valuable skill

If there was one thing I wish people learned much, much more than they do now, it would be how to truly listen. Because we human beings are really starving for good listening. So many times, so many conflicts would … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Developing trust, Love and compassion, Personal reflections | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

My personal method for evaluating whether to trust somebody

One of the key skills to acquiring positive juice is to know whom to trust. Trust is a wonderful thing. It feels so good… to trust. That’s why so many of us tend to trust somebody even when we shouldn’t–we … Continue reading

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