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The 10 most read posts of the past 48 hours
- 9 reasons why men are insecure about their penis size
- What does it mean when you want someone to be jealous of you?
- More than "just sex," but perhaps not totally "making love," either
- The "awesomeness" of lack of pretense
- The real reasons why people get jealous - and why jealousy is so powerful
- On not labeling your relationships
- Compersion: a word we should all become familiar with
- An anonymous open letter to people in abusive relationships who want to stay in the relationship despite the abuse
- Don't do something just because you "should"
- How to keep your head on straight when you suddenly fall in love
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Full list of posts
- Is righteous hatred a good thing? 2017/08/27
- How to respectfully talk about deep disagreements 2017/06/01
- Why we must stop referring to undocumented immigrants as “illegal” — immediately 2017/05/02
- Let’s talk about how we experience challenges to our privilege. We don’t do this enough. 2016/05/12
- Find “your people” 2016/05/06
- An anonymous letter to those “nice people” that do “favors” so they can sleep with people 2014/11/14
- 6 examples of what creepy behavior is, and how to avoid it 2014/07/14
- Why don’t people just say what they mean and mean what they say? 2014/06/02
- Exploring distinct kinds of attraction 2014/05/05
- Sometimes, when you want to welcome the new, you have to kick out the old crying and screaming 2014/04/23
- What is not being said or noticed? 2014/04/07
- Some things I’ve learned about recognizing, coping with, and fighting oppression and bigotry 2014/03/04
- The laws of benevolent (and harmful) behavior 2014/01/24
- Intelligence and compassion are not two separate things 2013/09/16
- Is competition bad? 2013/08/09
- What you feel is never wrong 2013/07/22
- What your awareness says about your trustworthiness – and how “safe” a person you are 2013/07/02
- Why you should learn how to speak nonjudgmentally 2013/06/22
- Positive thinking should be valued higher than other kinds of thinking 2013/06/14
- Meet my role model for situations of high tension: the hostage negotiator 2013/05/12
- Privilege is a much less unpleasant topic once we let ourselves be fully aware of it 2013/04/24
- What will it take to stop the violence? 2013/04/19
- How “leaving people a way out” calms tensions 2013/04/07
- Compersion: a word we should all become familiar with 2013/03/28
- “Today you … tomorrow me” (or, “why I often pick up hitchhikers”) 2013/03/17
- What is “listening?” 2013/03/11
- Pay as much attention to why things are right as you do to why they are wrong 2013/03/04
- When “attention” is a disease you don’t want to catch 2013/02/23
- When overall reality trumps ‘facts’ and ‘logic’ 2013/02/11
- Get off the script! 2013/01/23
- On not labeling your relationships 2013/01/10
- I’ll have more respect for your point of view if you demonstrate respect for points of view you don’t agree with 2013/01/02
- What do I want for the holidays? Nothing, actually. 2012/12/19
- Some thoughts about individuals who go on deadly shooting sprees 2012/12/15
- The insidiousness of dogma – and how it affects our ability to be happy 2012/12/03
- Soundbites don’t make a discussion 2012/11/23
- Why greater investment in finding a romantic match often leads to lesser returns; some thoughts 2012/11/08
- What the heck does “positive” mean, anyway? Here are 22 ways I’ve come to understand “positivity” 2012/10/23
- Why do people believe anecdotes and stories more than real statistics? 2012/10/11
- There is no talking to someone who won’t listen. Talk to those that will listen instead 2012/10/03
- What does it mean when you want someone to be jealous of you? 2012/09/26
- A murderer is not just a murderer 2012/09/20
- Feminism is NOT enough by itself to liberate men from the problems they confront; a treatise on male empowerment 2012/09/03
- Who do you think you aren’t? 2012/08/22
- Ask for help even when you don’t totally need it 2012/08/13
- One atheist’s understanding of the message of Jesus Christ 2012/08/06
- The nitty-gritty of using condoms: a conversation we don’t have nearly often enough 2012/07/25
- The difference between envy and jealousy 2012/07/11
- Getting the most out of the loves of our lives 2012/07/05
- The primordial soup of new feelings 2012/06/28
- The “monogamy vs. polyamory” debate – how can you know which relationship style is right for you? 2012/06/22
- The “awesomeness” of lack of pretense 2012/05/30
- The wonderful, liberating power … of dispassionateness 2012/05/04
- Intimacy takes time 2012/04/17
- Living in the truth 2012/04/05
- The enduring value of partnership 2012/03/23
- It’s good to lose it every once in a while 2012/03/18
- When the weather gets ugly, keep your hands firmly on the steering wheel 2012/03/14
- You’re not feeling everything that you really feel 2012/03/10
- Why I hate “will you marry me?” and other such loaded on-the-spot proposals 2012/03/06
- You can’t hurry love – and there ain’t no substitute 2012/03/02
- It’s ok to not be ready 2012/02/27
- The real prize we’re all in search of 2012/02/23
- “Do I worry too much?” 2012/02/18
- Why men are the sexual hunters and women are considered “keepers of sex” – and what can be done to address this imbalance 2012/02/14
- Forgive, but don’t forget (for different reasons than you might think) 2012/02/11
- The real reasons why people get jealous – and why jealousy is so powerful 2012/02/07
- How to apologize… without meaning it? 2012/02/03
- Those supernatural, divine moments in life are not exceptions – they’re CALLINGS 2012/01/29
- How to keep your head on straight when you suddenly fall in love 2012/01/25
- You’re always there (a poem about the sky :-) 2012/01/19
- When there’s nothing more to say… 2012/01/14
- Why are so many people such jerks? 2012/01/10
- Where you’re going is more important than where you are 2012/01/06
- How to get good at empathizing 2012/01/02
- Avoiding the life-wrecking scarcity model of thinking 2011/12/29
- Have high hope, but low expectations 2011/12/26
- ASK for clarification 2011/12/21
- It needs to be said: holidays can really suck sometimes 2011/12/18
- Don’t do something just because you “should” 2011/12/15
- Good people finding good people – that’s what makes being alive feel special to me 2011/12/12
- Despite what it may seem, “forever” is usually not a very good thing – even in love 2011/12/09
- The top 5 things people who are close to dying regret when they look back at their life 2011/12/06
- The joy of non-sequiturs – or, when dead lions come back to life as chickens 2011/12/03
- How to apologize sincerely without feeling weak and humiliated 2011/11/30
- Just being there makes all the difference 2011/11/26
- You should really get good at this game 2011/11/23
- More than “just sex,” but perhaps not totally “making love,” either 2011/11/19
- To be loved for who you are proud to be 2011/11/16
- Don’t always protect people from your truth. It won’t make things right 2011/11/13
- To be validated; when it’s good to hear someone else say something you already know 2011/11/10
- Sexual orientation doesn’t tell the whole story about attraction 2011/11/07
- “Your mother didn’t tell you the truth” 2011/11/06
- Sometimes I just want to come home 2011/11/03
- How important is sex, really? 2011/10/31
- We can do way better than either-or thinking 2011/10/28
- Recommended resource: The Four Agreements 2011/10/27
- An anonymous open letter to people in abusive relationships who want to stay in the relationship despite the abuse 2011/10/24
- Be somebody’s fresh air! 2011/10/21
- It’s not all about the private parts; on not assigning a gender to newborn children 2011/10/18
- “Chemistry” and being “in love” – does it have to fade away? 2011/10/14
- Seeing deeper 2011/10/05
- The real meaning of “safer sex” 2011/10/02
- Safer sex in practice: 15 risk factors that are not given enough attention 2011/09/28
- The limits (and benefits) of professional mental therapy 2011/09/21
- The power of vulnerability 2011/08/28
- A different way to look at romantic relationships 2011/08/13
- Change IS reality – in fact, it is reality’s driving force 2011/08/05
- A MANifesto for the 21st Century 2011/07/28
- It’s ok to be self-centered 2011/07/25
- The problem with secretly keeping score 2011/07/17
- Yin and Yang – a useful way to approach complex truth 2011/07/02
- The opportunity of adversity 2010/04/17
- How to be a better lover 2010/04/13
- A good divorce is as much cause to celebrate as a good marriage 2010/04/11
- Remember to breathe 2010/04/09
- I’ve been away for a little while 2010/04/08
- When love makes the pain feel good 2010/03/31
- Adolf Hitler and the 9/11 bombers never had any bad intentions 2010/03/29
- A Daddy That Serves… in Pain: One man’s perspective on loving and giving – and yet, being invisible 2010/03/27
- Sexual orientation is about much more than which gender you prefer 2010/03/25
- Can positive people be sad or depressed? 2010/03/22
- Things to remember when listening to somebody 2010/03/21
- How to listen well: start by listening to yourself 2010/03/19
- An idea is never born unaccompanied by a goal 2010/03/17
- Show honor to how other people choose to identify themselves 2010/03/15
- This thread tore at my heart 2010/03/13
- Saying you’re sorry and meaning it. How to apologize without conditions 2010/03/11
- How to talk to kids about sex, without lying to them 2010/03/09
- Do NOT compartmentalize how somebody acts toward another person 2010/03/07
- 9 reasons why men are insecure about their penis size 2010/03/03
- The art of disarming: a better way to settle conflict 2010/03/02
- No. Don’t hurry up. Think it over and take your sweet time. 2010/02/27
- Desire, attraction, and the sacred middle ground 2010/02/25
- The best way to be truthful is to channel the truth correctly 2010/02/23
- Desire for control: the roots of fascination with sex and violence 2010/02/20
- Kink, fetish, BDSM… what is all that stuff really about, anyway? 2010/02/17
- Game changers: How to change your state of mind 2010/02/15
- The real reason religion is so powerful 2010/02/14
- When a former asset has become a burden 2010/02/10
- Phone conversation? Or should you text? Or email? 2010/02/09
- Feminism: it’s all about taking back femininity 2010/02/08
- Letter to a friend: I’m lonely, and I want to share this with you 2010/02/07
- All of us – even the worst among us – are awesome… 2010/02/07
- The very important difference between a feeling and a state of mind 2010/02/06
- It’s time to rant again! 2010/02/05
- If you have nothing nice to say… 2010/02/04
- Love enough to let go. A song for thought 2010/02/03
- Have faith that there is always a reason 2010/02/02
- This kind of thinking really should be killed off 2010/02/01
- Can revenge ever really be justice? 2010/01/31
- Don’t be ashamed to cry 2010/01/30
- How to get in touch with your sense of justice 2010/01/29
- Long live Howard Zinn 2010/01/28
- Need a quick laugh? You’ve got to see these 2010/01/27
- What about when somebody just doesn’t make sense? 2010/01/26
- What if you just can’t be open-minded right now? 2010/01/25
- Positive self-talk: life is a film, not a photograph 2010/01/24
- 10 reasons we often think negatively about sex 2010/01/23
- REAL LISTENING: a priceless and immeasurably valuable skill 2010/01/21
- Somebody was spoiling for a fight with me… 2010/01/20
- The power of asking questions 2010/01/20
- Proposal for Obama: give Haiti the attention you give Afghanistan 2010/01/18
- Recommended resource: Steve Pavlina’s personal development writings 2010/01/17
- What is real, unconditional love? 2010/01/15
- Why I am an atheist (and why you don’t have to be one) 2010/01/14
- Is there a god? 2010/01/13
- “Avatar” is a wonderful movie 2010/01/11
- I’m feeling really negative right now 2010/01/09
- The fallacy of “being right” 2010/01/09
- Thought of the day: what is a fact, anyway? 2010/01/08
- A short film on dealing with the human ego 2010/01/07
- “Act like an adult” is not always a good idea 2010/01/06
- The destructiveness of the modern idea of masculinity 2010/01/03
- Positive irony, yeah! 2010/01/02
- What can I do, and what do YOU do, to be a positive person? 2010/01/01
- A New Year’s message to those of you who aren’t doing so well 2010/01/01
- Awesome example of fighting violence and racism with positive energy 2009/12/31
- My personal method for evaluating whether to trust somebody 2009/12/30
- A chat excerpt about understanding people who act destructively 2009/12/29
- A new beginning 2009/12/29
Tag Archives: sex
Exploring distinct kinds of attraction
Have you ever felt attracted to someone in some ways, but not others? Sure you have. We all have. You know, The person you feel relaxed around, whose therapeutic company you crave, which is not necessarily sexual; The person that lights you … Continue reading
Posted in Love and compassion, Making connection, Sex and sexuality, Short posts
Tagged attraction, hugging, kissing, physical intimacy, sex, vocabulary
Leave a comment
Why greater investment in finding a romantic match often leads to lesser returns; some thoughts
The world of sex and romance can get really noisy sometimes with all the drama, intended or not, that it often brings. Yes – even with low-drama people. At such times, it can become hard to think. People who know … Continue reading
Posted in Healing, Love and compassion, Making connection, Personal reflections, Sex and sexuality
Tagged intimacy, relationships, romance, self, sex
Leave a comment
The nitty-gritty of using condoms: a conversation we don’t have nearly often enough
“If you’re going to have sex, use a condom!” We hear it all the time: safer sex necessarily involves condom use, among other things. And it sounds simple and sensible enough, right? Just cover the penis when penetration occurs, and … Continue reading
Posted in Long posts, Sex and sexuality
Tagged condoms, emotions, intimacy, pregnancy, protection, risk, safety, sex, STDs
5 Comments
Why men are the sexual hunters and women are considered “keepers of sex” – and what can be done to address this imbalance
Pretty much anywhere you go, men are conceived as the “horndog gender.” Men are viewed as the ones who will always want sex more, who are always quicker to sexualize a relationship, to make things about sex. And this does … Continue reading
Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Debate!, Long posts, Love and compassion, Sex and sexuality
Tagged control, men, sex, sex-positive, sexual feelings, sexual interaction, stereotype, women
14 Comments
To be loved for who you are proud to be
There was an older woman in the bar, must have been possibly between 60 and 70 years old… who was smiling, kind of minding her own business, doing her thing… except that she was getting a lot of staring attention … Continue reading
Posted in Debate!, Love and compassion, Sex and sexuality
Tagged appreciation, attraction, breasts, normalcy, objectification, sex, stereotype
2 Comments
Sexual orientation doesn’t tell the whole story about attraction
Sexual orientation is pretty straightforward, right? Gay, straight, or bi. And then there are some folks that call themselves “pansexual,” meaning that their attraction spans potentially everyone on the whole continuum of genders. Simple enough. However, as is so often … Continue reading
Posted in Debate!, Sex and sexuality
Tagged attraction, gender, orgasm, romance, sensuality, sex, sexual orientation
2 Comments
How important is sex, really?
Recently I was talking to a friend who, in the context of finding a monogamous relationship, was comparing two people she was attracted to. She told me “I am way more sexually drawn to Jamie [names changed] than I am to … Continue reading
Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Healing, Long posts, Sex and sexuality
Tagged color, connection, intimacy, orgasm, sex, vulnerability
1 Comment
It’s not all about the private parts; on not assigning a gender to newborn children
“It’s a girl!” “It’s a boy!” These are often the first things that are learned about a newborn child – even before its name is known. And what indeed is so bad about calling a child a girl or boy, … Continue reading
Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Debate!, Long posts, Sex and sexuality
Tagged boys, children, dogma, female, first names, gender, genitals, girls, male, men, sex, transgender, women
Leave a comment
Safer sex in practice: 15 risk factors that are not given enough attention
Say the phrase “safer sex” and what’s the first thing that comes to mind? Condoms. Of course. But condoms are far from the only thing that makes a sexual act “safer.” You see, safe sex is like safe driving. No … Continue reading
Posted in Long posts, Sex and sexuality
Tagged behavior, condoms, danger, protection, responsibility, risk, safer sex, sex, STDs
4 Comments
A different way to look at romantic relationships
Recently I was talking to a friend about whether she wanted a monogamous or non-monogamous relationship, and she told me that, for her, non-monogamy is the default norm, with monogamy being one possible “customization,” as opposed to the way. This … Continue reading
Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Debate!, Sex and sexuality
Tagged change, cheating, communication, connection, desire, friend, intimacy, love, lover, monogamy, nonmonogamy, norms, openness, polyamory, relationships, romance, sex, swinging
3 Comments
How to be a better lover
The questions are always flying around: “what can I do to spice up my lovelife a bit?” Whether it’s on a date, in bed, living together, spending some time apart, it seems that some folks are better lovers than others. … Continue reading
Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Love and compassion, Pass on the positivity!, Sex and sexuality
Tagged admiration, attraction, comfort, compassion, curiosity, desire, love, lovelife, lovemaking, lover, mindset, relax, relaxation, release, safety, sex, tension, touch, understanding
1 Comment
Sexual orientation is about much more than which gender you prefer
One of the problems with the language we use around sexuality is this business of “hetero, homo, or bi”—as if only three orientations exist. Feeling the need to categorize yourself as one of these things is a symptom of a … Continue reading
Posted in Personal reflections, Sex and sexuality, Short posts
Tagged attraction, bi, bisexual, dogma, dork, gay, gender, hetero, heterosexual, homo, homosexual, identity, label, name, normal, normalcy, orientation, queer, sex, sexual orientation, straight, uniqueness, weirdness
3 Comments
Desire, attraction, and the sacred middle ground
Love is wonderful when it works. But we push love away so often because we are afraid it won’t work. Even with those we are supposed to love most. The vulnerability required to realize true intimacy can be a major … Continue reading
Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Developing trust, Long posts, Love and compassion, Pass on the positivity!, Sex and sexuality
Tagged abandonment, attention, caring, choice, communication, compassion, control, depth, desire, desperation, disappointment, dogma, drama, emotion, expectations, experience, explore, fantasies, fear, feeling, feelings, friend, friendship, fulfillment, haste, interaction, interest, intimacy, letting go, love, lovemaking, mentality, opportunity, passion, platonic, rejection, relationships, romance, sacred, sacred middle ground, sacredness, sex, sharing, slow, thinking, thoughts, truth, uncertainty, unconditional love, understanding, viewpoint, vulnerability, wish, yen
15 Comments
Feminism: it’s all about taking back femininity
I am a man, and men don’t often get into feminism, I know. 🙂 I do have a very strong feminine component to my being. My femininity is very precious to me–precious enough to blog about; there is too much … Continue reading
Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Sex and sexuality
Tagged ambition, androgyny, argument, beautiful, beauty, boldness, boys, control, delicateness, dogma, exclusivity, female, feminine, femininity, feminism, feminist, fetishization, fragility, gender, gender binary, genderqueer, girl, girls, girly, guys, high femininity, inclusivity, independence, innocence, little girl, machismo, macho, male, manhood, manliness, masculine, masculinity, men, positive, prettiness, pretty, queer, Queerness, rant, sex, Sex and sexuality, sexual, sexual objectification, sexual orientiation, strength, subtlety, treatise, vulnerability, weakness, woman, womanhood, women
1 Comment
10 reasons we often think negatively about sex
Something about being really sexual, even when it feels so great… is often frowned upon. But why? Most societies are very confused about sex. There are all these taboos about sex that cloud up real understanding about it and actually … Continue reading
Posted in Debate!, Sex and sexuality
Tagged abstinence, babies, body, cheating, control, education, ejaculate, emotion, emotional, enjoy, enjoyment, experience, feelgood, feminine, femininity, french kiss, genitalia, genitals, hangups, intercourse, lust, marriage, masculine, masculinity, monogamous, monogamy, naked, negativity, oral, organ, penetration, penile, penis, physical, rape, relationship, secretion, sensitive, sex, sexual, society, STDs, strength, taboo, trauma, vagina, vaginal, violation, vulnerability, vulnerable, weakness
8 Comments
The destructiveness of the modern idea of masculinity
I am a man. I grew up a male, and I’m certainly not unhappy with who I am. However, I am very disturbed about how males are viewed and taught how to be. I wrote this letter to my grandmother … Continue reading
Posted in Debate!, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Long posts, Personal reflections, Sex and sexuality
Tagged ambition, androgynous, androgyny, argument, boys, control, egocentrism, emo, emotion, emotions, essay, female, feminine, feminism, feminist, foreplay, gender, gender binary, genderqueer, girls, guys, intercourse, machismo, macho, male, manhood, manliness, masculine, masculinity, men, modern man, modern masculinity, patience, patient, penetration, prettiness, pretty, queer, Queerness, rant, sex, Sex and sexuality, sexual, sexual objectification, sexual orientiation, strength, subtlety, treatise, vulnerability, weakness, women
26 Comments
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