Tag Archives: understanding

Let’s talk about how we experience challenges to our privilege. We don’t do this enough.

Have you ever been accused of being “privileged?” Of having “unearned privilege?” Have you ever had that feeling that out of virtually nowhere, people are labeling you, boxing you into a corner, suddenly putting the screws on you to somehow … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Beliefs and worldview, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Personal reflections, Short posts, Zany or uncategorized stuff | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

6 examples of what creepy behavior is, and how to avoid it

When a person (or group of people) makes us uncomfortable in some way that is not openly harmful or violent, they are being “creepy.” This subject is not very well fleshed out, however; lines are drawn between violence and nonviolence, … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Debate!, Long posts | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Why don’t people just say what they mean and mean what they say?

The short answer is because what you are saying can be very different from what your audience hears. The longer answer is because what you say is hardly ever all that you mean – no matter how honest you think … Continue reading

Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Debate!, Developing trust | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

How “leaving people a way out” calms tensions

We all get to that point with someone sometimes when there’s this big loaded question in the air – one that involves a lot of emotion, and thus potential disappointment. Think “will you marry me?” for example. Sometimes it’s not … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Love and compassion, Making connection | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

What is “listening?”

This is so damn important! If I ruled the world, “listening” would be as much a part of the school curriculum as mathematics or language or history. It would continue to be a required course in higher education also! It’s … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Healing, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Love and compassion, Personal reflections | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

Soundbites don’t make a discussion

The further along we get in media and Tweeting and texting, the more it seems people want to pack as much information into as little time as possible. This is often an admirable goal; when you can state a point … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Debate! | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

There is no talking to someone who won’t listen. Talk to those that will listen instead

I am often witness to situations in which a conversation is going on between two people. Or, at least, that is what supposed to be happening. In reality, somebody is not listening. But often, even though somebody is not listening, … Continue reading

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Intimacy takes time

In today’s modern hurly-burly, one thing that I am always seeing people forget [or never learn] is that as much as one may want to get deep real quick, the truth is, that … it takes time. We’ve all had … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Beliefs and worldview, Healthy vulnerability and weakness | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

The real prize we’re all in search of

Why make money, form friendships, fall in love, suffer people and things you don’t like, and all that jazz? What are we really looking for? The answer to that question is not easy, and it does vary from person to … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Healing, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Long posts, Love and compassion, Making connection | Tagged , , , , , | 8 Comments

How to get good at empathizing

Those who see the infinite value of human connection and focus more and more on it start noticing something: empathy is everywhere. Or, at the very least, it is needed everywhere. So often, the first basic underpinning to doing anything meaningful involving another … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Healing, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Long posts, Love and compassion, Making connection, Pass on the positivity!, Staying strong | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

ASK for clarification

When you look back on situations of conflict, so many awful things seem to happen solely because of some kind of misunderstanding. Especially between friends and loved ones – people close to you – the stakes are higher because of … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Love and compassion, Short posts | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments

Sometimes I just want to come home

Home is more than just a place. It’s a very powerful concept. It’s what makes us comfortable, what we’re familiar with, what makes us feel like everything is all right. Home is our place in the world. It’s where the … Continue reading

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The power of vulnerability

I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. –2 Corinthians 12:10 (The Bible) The prevailing view of strength is one that opposes it to weakness and vulnerability. … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Beliefs and worldview, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Short posts, Video clips | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

How to be a better lover

The questions are always flying around: “what can I do to spice up my lovelife a bit?” Whether it’s on a date, in bed, living together, spending some time apart, it seems that some folks are better lovers than others. … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Love and compassion, Pass on the positivity!, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Adolf Hitler and the 9/11 bombers never had any bad intentions

Bad consequences/outcome? Yes, HORRIBLE. But not for bad intentions. No bad intentions here. Only good ones. What is a “bad intention?” And why in the world is it so important whether mass murderers have good or bad intentions? Because the … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Debate!, Love and compassion | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

A Daddy That Serves… in Pain: One man’s perspective on loving and giving – and yet, being invisible

One night I was reading through journal entries on a website, and I stumbled across this: a man’s plea to be heard and be loved for who he truly is. He is a transman, that is, someone who was born … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Beliefs and worldview, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Long posts, Love and compassion, Personal reflections, Sex and sexuality, Staying strong | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Things to remember when listening to somebody

It’s not all about you. In fact, it’s all about them right now. The other person’s point of view is as valid as yours, no matter how crazy it might sound. In fact, if you choose to listen to it, … Continue reading

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Show honor to how other people choose to identify themselves

One of the best ways to respect somebody is to honor how they self-define. For example, somebody who looks to you like a man wishes to be addressed as “she” and referred to as a woman. The right thing to … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Beliefs and worldview, Love and compassion, Pass on the positivity! | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Saying you’re sorry and meaning it. How to apologize without conditions

Pride is a powerful motivator, and we often think that apologizing is humiliating. So we qualify our apologies with “if” and other riders: “I’m sorry if what I said offended you.” “I’m sorry you took what I said the wrong … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Love and compassion | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

9 reasons why men are insecure about their penis size

A lot of women ask me, “why are men so concerned about the size of their penis?” The short answer is that they are very insecure about the whole issue, and they don’t always have an outlet for making peace … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

The art of disarming: a better way to settle conflict

We often get caught up in a cycle of threats; I feel threatened by somebody, so I harden up and put out “don’t fuck with me” signals. The other person gets intimidated on their end, and they do the same. … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Healing, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Love and compassion, Pass on the positivity! | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Desire, attraction, and the sacred middle ground

Love is wonderful when it works. But we push love away so often because we are afraid it won’t work. Even with those we are supposed to love most. The vulnerability required to realize true intimacy can be a major … Continue reading

Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Developing trust, Long posts, Love and compassion, Pass on the positivity!, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Desire for control: the roots of fascination with sex and violence

As we grow up, we learn to equate control with maturity. The more control one has, the better off they will be. This does not have to be a bad thought process; when I say control, that includes self-control as … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

The real reason religion is so powerful

Some religions promise heaven in the afterlife for loyal followers, and hell for sinners (I am specifically thinking of the biggest two, Christianity and Islam). This does get people to “stick” somewhat–but it is not the main reason why religion … Continue reading

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When a former asset has become a burden

It could be a deep relationship that just needs to change. Or a job that you were once happy to have, but now causes you stress. Or a lifestyle habit you have that once was awesome, but now has become … Continue reading

Posted in Conflict and dealing with negativity, Healing, Personal reflections | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

The very important difference between a feeling and a state of mind

Feelings are temporary. They change and morph both gradually and quickly, often without us even realizing it. States of mind, however, are much longer-lasting and pervasive. You could consider a state of mind to be another kind of feeling, but … Continue reading

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It’s time to rant again!

Another late day at work. Weeks going by without seeing the ones I love. A constant feeling like I’m missing out on life. Not everything is always like this. It’s just that, being so busy, sometimes I get real frustrated… … Continue reading

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Have faith that there is always a reason

So much doesn’t make sense sometimes. You feel like asking why? What brought this on? Did I deserve this? There’s always a reason. You may not always be able to find it out right away. Especially if the reason is … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Beliefs and worldview, Developing trust, Short posts, Staying strong | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Can revenge ever really be justice?

I remember when arguing with my ex how, when one of us was angry, we didn’t seem to feel satisfied until the other was also angry. This did two things: It made us feel that the other really took us … Continue reading

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How to get in touch with your sense of justice

We often have very different senses of what is fair. And it goes deeper than we realize, penetrating right down to the unspoken. Sometimes, we even secretly think things like “this wasn’t as fun for me as it was for … Continue reading

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Long live Howard Zinn

Howard Zinn died yesterday. Let me explain why I held him in such high regard. He was a highly political, highly debative public figure. He stood strong in his political positions against all wars, for socialized medicine, for civil rights … Continue reading

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What about when somebody just doesn’t make sense?

The answer is this: they are making sense. You just aren’t seeing the sense they are making yet, because you can’t read their mind. So naturally you don’t see how things fit together for them.

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Developing trust | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

REAL LISTENING: a priceless and immeasurably valuable skill

If there was one thing I wish people learned much, much more than they do now, it would be how to truly listen. Because we human beings are really starving for good listening. So many times, so many conflicts would … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Developing trust, Love and compassion, Personal reflections | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

The power of asking questions

Asking a question is a revolutionary act. It’s what allows us to break out of the box and get to a higher level. Often, a situation happens that we don’t account for: rather than being a black-and-white fact vs. opinion … Continue reading

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Why I am an atheist (and why you don’t have to be one)

My use of the word “atheist” relates to the most common conceptions about “God”: The thought of God as a living being with human feelings [any more than a star or galaxy is such a being]. The thinking that God … Continue reading

Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Debate! | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

“Act like an adult” is not always a good idea

What’s the difference between a child and an adult? Puberty and a few years, that’s all. Why is this important? Because the idea that we are supposed to simply “act like adults” can be a very destructive one.

Posted in Debate! | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

A New Year’s message to those of you who aren’t doing so well

Here we are, you and me. I’ve lived a while now and I’ve known a lot of people. Had a lot of experiences, felt a lot of different things. But right now, I’m talking to you and only you. You’re … Continue reading

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A chat excerpt about understanding people who act destructively

Here is an excerpt from an online chat I had with someone about how to understand people who act destructively. ===================== me: The best way to both listen to somebody and be prepared for certain miscues, I think, is to … Continue reading

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