I do a lot of preaching about the virtues of positive energy here. But sometimes, I fall off the wagon too.
Lately, I feel as though I have been blowing off my friends because of the sheer number of things I have to do right now. Work is becoming very hectic, I am finishing up the final class in a degree program, and I’m having a lot of trouble sleeping. And because of this, I feel as though I can’t be there for my friends. I feel like I am slowly cutting them out.
I need to make some sort of adjustment, that’s for sure. My energy is souring, because I’m not leaving myself enough time to balance it. I have been out of balance.
I try very hard to make time for friends only to find that I actually don’t have the time or energy to devote to them once I am with them. It’s like I have to pull back from relationships I deeply value–for what? Myself? That feels egotistical.
And yet, at the core, it is not egotistical. We all need to love ourselves and take care of ourselves. We just have to do it in a way that is balanced enough so that both we and those around us can have reasonable expectations.
It’s unreasonable for me, with this level of stress and activity, to think that I am going to be really available for my friend and myself. Something’s gotta give.
I put this post up as a reminder that none of us have it together all of the time. I can preach all I want about being positive, but at the end of the day, I often will not have all the answers.
I also put this post up because I am extremely extraverted and I know that the more I express myself outwardly, the clearer I will think and the sooner I will be able to get back on track. This is one of my needs that I recognize. At some point, I have to meet it.
In moments like these, when everything feels rotten, you simply have to remember that life is a film, not a photograph; it always changes. What I feel now will not be what I feel later. Thus I have strong faith that I will be back to my old self in a few hours, or maybe a day or two, even if right now I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Update: my next rant, on a similar subject. I think I might turn this into a series. 🙂