Category Archives: Debate!

A good, friendly debate is always in order, don’t you think?

Is righteous hatred a good thing?

We often feel hatred for good reasons. Hatred comes from anger coupled with powerlessness to change or avoid what makes us angry. But hatred is also a primary ingredient in so many cases of abuse and harm. What I want … Continue reading

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Why we must stop referring to undocumented immigrants as “illegal” — immediately

You’ve heard the argument that “no one is illegal” by now, right? Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel spoke these words after fleeing a country that outlawed certain groups of people, including him. For many, these words still ring true: no human … Continue reading

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6 examples of what creepy behavior is, and how to avoid it

When a person (or group of people) makes us uncomfortable in some way that is not openly harmful or violent, they are being “creepy.” This subject is not very well fleshed out, however; lines are drawn between violence and nonviolence, … Continue reading

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Why don’t people just say what they mean and mean what they say?

The short answer is because what you are saying can be very different from what your audience hears. The longer answer is because what you say is hardly ever all that you mean – no matter how honest you think … Continue reading

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Some things I’ve learned about recognizing, coping with, and fighting oppression and bigotry

It should all be so simple: don’t be a jerk! So why do oppression and bigotry still happen all the time? And why does so much of it so often fly under the radar, often with little to no challenge, … Continue reading

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Intelligence and compassion are not two separate things

What is the point of intelligence if it doesn’t make somebody’s life better or more enriched? So much of what we think of as “intelligence” is misused. Misused so that we can hurt other people. So that we can feel better … Continue reading

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Is competition bad?

Competition. The art of being the best. It’s the foundation of so much of our sports and innovation culture, how could it be bad? Well … we live in a world that completely misses the boat in terms of human … Continue reading

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Positive thinking should be valued higher than other kinds of thinking

Free speech and free thought are definitely valuable things. But some kinds of speech and thoughts are more valuable than other kinds. I refuse to take a standoffish, “unbiased” approach to these things when we have so much injustice and … Continue reading

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Privilege is a much less unpleasant topic once we let ourselves be fully aware of it

These days, privilege often gets talked about in the negative: those privileged people, who have no idea of how life is for people unlike them. A justifiable anger, for those who do not enjoy such privileges. Very often, when somebody’s … Continue reading

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What will it take to stop the violence?

Why do violent acts happen? There are a thousand answers to this question. But not all of these answers are easily known. Especially when you are talking not about one single act of violence, but rather the continued stream of … Continue reading

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When “attention” is a disease you don’t want to catch

The people and things that get the most attention are rarely the people and things most deserving of attention. Why are some people’s voices heard more than others? Why is some news heard more than other news that is equally or … Continue reading

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When overall reality trumps ‘facts’ and ‘logic’

There are times, when I am discussing a topic with someone, that I run into an interesting paradox; the other person tries to use facts and postulates about what something “officially” is or has been “defined” to make their point. … Continue reading

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On not labeling your relationships

A friend of mine recently told me, “I’m seeing two people. But I never refer to either of them as ‘boyfriend’ … they are always just ‘friend’, both between us and with other people. The minute you give the relationship a label … Continue reading

Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Debate!, Love and compassion, Personal reflections, Sex and sexuality, Short posts | Tagged , , , , | 16 Comments

Some thoughts about individuals who go on deadly shooting sprees

After getting over the fact that the most innocent of lives were lost yesterday in Connecticut just because somebody was angry or wanted revenge on someone else, we’re going to start asking why once again. There is no one answer. … Continue reading

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The insidiousness of dogma – and how it affects our ability to be happy

Anything, even the greatest, most wonderful of things, can be ruined for somebody if they have bad experiences with it. Nothing has an absolute quality of greatness or awfulness. Each individual feels things relative to their own experience. The best things … Continue reading

Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Debate!, Developing trust | Tagged , , , , , | 6 Comments

Soundbites don’t make a discussion

The further along we get in media and Tweeting and texting, the more it seems people want to pack as much information into as little time as possible. This is often an admirable goal; when you can state a point … Continue reading

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What the heck does “positive” mean, anyway? Here are 22 ways I’ve come to understand “positivity”

I picked the word “positive” for this blog because I think that, if I am limited to one word, “positive” best represents the message I am trying to convey, and the way I want to live my life. No one … Continue reading

Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Debate!, Healing, Pass on the positivity!, Personal reflections, Zany or uncategorized stuff | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

What does it mean when you want someone to be jealous of you?

As I write this post, the most popular post on my blog these days, by far, is the one about why human beings get jealous. I noticed that a good number of the search terms hitting that post say things … Continue reading

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A murderer is not just a murderer

A murderer is a person, too. Like you and me. A person who probably shares a lot in common with you and me, in fact. Some folks were reading this will no doubt ask me why I think that this … Continue reading

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Feminism is NOT enough by itself to liberate men from the problems they confront; a treatise on male empowerment

One of the biggest sticking points between feminists and those who oppose them is this creeping thinking that “women are the oppressed gender, and men are not.” That it is only women who need the safe spaces, the redress of injustice, … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Beliefs and worldview, Debate!, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Long posts, Sex and sexuality, Staying strong | Tagged , , , , | 28 Comments

One atheist’s understanding of the message of Jesus Christ

I’m one of the most religion-friendly atheists you’ll ever know. Because I don’t believe in disparaging people’s beliefs for being different than my own. On the contrary, those around us who believe different things than we do, they hold these … Continue reading

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Getting the most out of the loves of our lives

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” –Rumi There is something about the way much of modern society views love outside of … Continue reading

Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Debate!, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Long posts, Love and compassion, Making connection | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

The “monogamy vs. polyamory” debate – how can you know which relationship style is right for you?

When monogamy and polyamory get talked about seriously, lots of assumptions can often pop up. People of one view can get into a mode of thinking that looks down on people that think differently about things.

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Why I hate “will you marry me?” and other such loaded on-the-spot proposals

Loaded questions are okay to ask as long as they don’t demand an answer right away. When it comes to big decisions in your life, like getting married, such questions should not be approached with an “answer me now” attitude. … Continue reading

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Why men are the sexual hunters and women are considered “keepers of sex” – and what can be done to address this imbalance

Pretty much anywhere you go, men are conceived as the “horndog gender.” Men are viewed as the ones who will always want sex more, who are always quicker to sexualize a relationship, to make things about sex. And this does … Continue reading

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To be loved for who you are proud to be

There was an older woman in the bar, must have been possibly between 60 and 70 years old… who was smiling, kind of minding her own business, doing her thing… except that she was getting a lot of staring attention … Continue reading

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Sexual orientation doesn’t tell the whole story about attraction

Sexual orientation is pretty straightforward, right? Gay, straight, or bi. And then there are some folks that call themselves “pansexual,” meaning that their attraction spans potentially everyone on the whole continuum of genders. Simple enough. However, as is so often … Continue reading

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We can do way better than either-or thinking

I see it all the time. Modern western society must push back Islam. Islam must push back modern liberalism. Feminism is antithetical to men. Men’s rights are antithetical to feminism. And so on. In a lot of modern movements and … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Debate!, Staying strong | Tagged , , , , | 8 Comments

It’s not all about the private parts; on not assigning a gender to newborn children

“It’s a girl!” “It’s a boy!” These are often the first things that are learned about a newborn child – even before its name is known. And what indeed is so bad about calling a child a girl or boy, … Continue reading

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A different way to look at romantic relationships

Recently I was talking to a friend about whether she wanted a monogamous or non-monogamous relationship, and she told me that, for her, non-monogamy is the default norm, with monogamy being one possible “customization,” as opposed to the way. This … Continue reading

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A MANifesto for the 21st Century

There is a lot of talk about how women face a multitude of problems that men do not (something that is still true, even in most developed countries). In the past 100 years, feminist movements of many different stripes have … Continue reading

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The opportunity of adversity

Positive-thinking people not only find ways to create positive situations; they also extract the golden nuggets of positivity from the jaws of very negative, debilitating situations. In this video, Aimee Mullins, an athlete, actress, and fashion model, talks about her … Continue reading

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Adolf Hitler and the 9/11 bombers never had any bad intentions

Bad consequences/outcome? Yes, HORRIBLE. But not for bad intentions. No bad intentions here. Only good ones. What is a “bad intention?” And why in the world is it so important whether mass murderers have good or bad intentions? Because the … Continue reading

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An idea is never born unaccompanied by a goal

When people talk about being “unbiased,” or “impartial,” they often forget that this is an oxymoron, because ideas don’t exist independently of goals. Trying to be “unbiased” is a bias in and of itself! Every idea has at least one … Continue reading

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How to talk to kids about sex, without lying to them

Lying to kids will produce liars when they are grown up. But certain things are indeed hard to talk about. If you want to be able to talk to your children comfortably about sex, what you really need to do … Continue reading

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The best way to be truthful is to channel the truth correctly

We often see the truth as this finite, fixed quality, and ask: why can’t people just be honest? If it were so simple, this wouldn’t be such a widespread complaint. The issue is that truth is much more complicated than … Continue reading

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Phone conversation? Or should you text? Or email?

When you can’t be face to face, sometimes the way you transmit a message makes all the difference. The phone is great for communication, but sometimes, especially when you’re busy, it would be better to receive a nice text right … Continue reading

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10 reasons we often think negatively about sex

Something about being really sexual, even when it feels so great… is often frowned upon. But why? Most societies are very confused about sex. There are all these taboos about sex that cloud up real understanding about it and actually … Continue reading

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Why I am an atheist (and why you don’t have to be one)

My use of the word “atheist” relates to the most common conceptions about “God”: The thought of God as a living being with human feelings [any more than a star or galaxy is such a being]. The thinking that God … Continue reading

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Is there a god?

What a loaded question! The word “god” assumes so much. What does “god” mean here? What meaning can we agree on for the word “god?” I prefer to phrase this question differently: are there powers and forces greater than us, … Continue reading

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The fallacy of “being right”

It seems so important sometimes: somebody has to be right. And, by extension, the rest of us are wrong. You know by now that I’m going to tell you that this is a harmful load of hogwash. 🙂 But what … Continue reading

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Thought of the day: what is a fact, anyway?

Most dictionaries give definitions like “a piece of information presented as having objective reality” or “a thing that is indisputably the case.” I’ve got a different, much more functional definition for you that I think makes more sense: A fact … Continue reading

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“Act like an adult” is not always a good idea

What’s the difference between a child and an adult? Puberty and a few years, that’s all. Why is this important? Because the idea that we are supposed to simply “act like adults” can be a very destructive one.

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The destructiveness of the modern idea of masculinity

I am a man. I grew up a male, and I’m certainly not unhappy with who I am. However, I am very disturbed about how males are viewed and taught how to be. I wrote this letter to my grandmother … Continue reading

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Positive irony, yeah!

Ok, so I was searching for a specific Muslim-run halal meat butchery for a colleague of mine, and I came upon an anti-Islamic site that has a list of Muslim-owned businesses to boycott. My first reaction was not a particularly … Continue reading

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What can I do, and what do YOU do, to be a positive person?

Happy New Year! I made it a New Year’s Resolution to start this blog, all about spreading positive human energy. And though I feel as though I have a lot to write about, I know can’t be my best, personally, … Continue reading

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