A chat excerpt about understanding people who act destructively

Here is an excerpt from an online chat I had with someone about how to understand people who act destructively.


me: The best way to both listen to somebody and be prepared for certain miscues, I think, is to try your best to get inside the psychology of the other person(just let me know if I get too verbose here)

h: mmhmm
im following

me: Once you start to put aside your own view of things for a moment

h: which is hard

me: Yes, it can definitely be a challenge…You can not only see why the robber robs…
or the rapist rapes
You can actually start to identify with them
which can sound scary
But it’s not if you are mature enough to know the difference

h: thats frightening

me: Oh, it can be

h: to consider

me: I think Heath Ledger may have gone over the edge getting into the Joker
You have to be secure in yourself first
But if you can identify with the other…you could then do the job of, say, the hostage-negotiator
You suddenly become able to transcend the frightening character of the situation
And the other [dangerous] person, who is really acting out of fear, insecurity, and learned behavior…
…suddenly, for the first time in perhaps years, perhaps their whole life…
…is able, if just for a moment, to relate to someone as an equal
Not as the terrorist or the terrorized
and that kind of respectful interaction soothes a beaten soul like nothing else

I intend to develop on this concept in the future. It’s so important, especially in tough situations in which conflict and emotions are high. So much of the time, we burn inside, because we feel unloved and ignored. Much of the time, a listening ear is all a person needs.
This entry was posted in Conflict and dealing with negativity, Personal reflections and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to A chat excerpt about understanding people who act destructively

  1. Shamona says:

    Good chat and good advice. Its very frightening to get “into someone else’s mind”, especially a wise person at that when u weren’t completely on their level to begin with. A lot of people think less of themselves, scared of knowing who they truly are.


Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s