A chat excerpt about understanding people who act destructively

Here is an excerpt from an online chat I had with someone about how to understand people who act destructively.

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me: The best way to both listen to somebody and be prepared for certain miscues, I think, is to try your best to get inside the psychology of the other person(just let me know if I get too verbose here)

h: mmhmm

im following

me: Once you start to put aside your own view of things for a moment

h: which is hard

me: Yes, it can definitely be a challenge…You can not only see why the robber robs…

or the rapist rapes

You can actually start to identify with them

which can sound scary

But it’s not if you are mature enough to know the difference

h: thats frightening

me: Oh, it can be

h: to consider

me: I think Heath Ledger may have gone over the edge getting into the Joker

You have to be secure in yourself first

But if you can identify with the other…you could then do the job of, say, the hostage-negotiator

You suddenly become able to transcend the frightening character of the situation

And the other [dangerous] person, who is really acting out of fear, insecurity, and learned behavior…

…suddenly, for the first time in perhaps years, perhaps their whole life…

…is able, if just for a moment, to relate to someone as an equal

Not as the terrorist or the terrorized

and that kind of respectful interaction soothes a beaten soul like nothing else

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I intend to develop on this concept in the future. It’s so important, especially in tough situations in which conflict and emotions are high. So much of the time, we burn inside, because we feel unloved and ignored. Much of the time, a listening ear is all a person needs.

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