9 reasons why men are insecure about their penis size

A lot of women ask me, “why are men so concerned about the size of their penis?” The short answer is that they are very insecure about the whole issue, and they don’t always have an outlet for making peace with that insecurity. Here are some of the things that make such an insecurity continue to exist:

  • Penetrative intercourse is popularly held as being “real sex.” Everything else is just “foreplay.”  This emphasis on penetration as the act that makes the sex obviously puts a great deal of attention on the penis and its penetrative function. And you don’t want to be inadequate in that regard, now do you? Personally I hate this kind of thinking–it’s a load of destructive hogwash that often ruins the free exploration and expression that makes sex great. Penetration is only one way to have sex, and often it’s more cumbersome and dangerous than other ways–STDs, pregnancy, condom issues, erection issues, vaginal/anal pain etc. Open your mind up, and if the person you are with does not want to open up with you, move on. Positive thinking is open thinking, especially in sex. 🙂
  • There is a lot of hype about big dick. We call it hype, of course, because it’s not actually real. But it’s everywhere… the jokes, the stories about “that guy who’s hung like a bull,” and nowadays, all the porn movies, where pretty much all the dick is well above the norm in size and physically attractive women squeal and gush about how “it’s so BIG!” and that kind of thing. It wouldn’t be an issue if smaller penises were as talked about–but they aren’t, so naturally there is a biased consciousness out there that leans toward big penises. And it is true…
  • For intercourse, there is a general preference for penises that are at least a certain thickness and length. BUT… even when it is said that “size does matter,” often “the bigger the better” is presumed to be the real meaning of this. Not so! It is merely a preference for the penis not to be very small for penetration–and very small is a description that the vast majority of men’s penises do not actually fit in any way. Though there is a not-so-large percentage of women [and guys] who do prefer bigger than average penises, that percentage is evened out by those who might even like it a little smaller than average; there’s just a lot more hype about big dicks, that’s all, so that’s all we hear. The overwhelming majority of the time, “average” is definitely quite good enough for a rockin’ good time, and too big can sometimes be quite troublesome and spoil the fun. Same thing for anal intercourse–the big cock hype distorts what a desirable size really is. And another thing to remember…
  • Heterosexual men often don’t see a lot of penises, let alone get to be near them and hold them and have any real sense of comparison between different ones. And the less you are acquainted with something, the more likely it is that you’ll have some very untrue ideas about it, especially if there is all this hype going around. So men who have quite nice-sized penises spend all this time worrying, because they have no sense of real proportion and often they’re only seeing and hearing about cock in porn and in conversations about “how BIG he was,” and all that jazz. In fact, being big generally does not mean a great deal except at one particular point…
  • The visual. There is one area in which a big penis is big news: when you first see it. A big display of sex does grab one’s attention–and men who don’t get this “mmm, that’s big!” reaction when they first whip it out might feel like their woman won’t be as aroused as she would be if the cock were heftier. Thing is, how a cock looks at first sight is not a good indicator of how it’s going to feel. And plus, she may likely want to feel it in more than one place, which is easier to do with a cock that isn’t too big… so don’t get discouraged if you don’t have a ginormous one; confidence and being in tune with your partner are the things that will really produce the pleasure.
  • We talk about penis as if that’s what a man is. Seriously. Saying something like “he’s kind of small” or “I’m thicker than average” makes it sound like a man is his penis, doesn’t it? We can substitute “he is ___” with “his penis is ___” and get the same point across without the hidden implication that the penis is the man. No wonder there’s so much male insecurity, because…
  • Popular culture puts a lot pressure on men to be “man enough.” If you aren’t “man enough,” people won’t respect you. If you aren’t “man enough,” you won’t be able to match a woman well. because you won’t lead with authority like a man is “supposed to.” And if you aren’t “man enough,” you won’t be able to please her, either, and she’ll look for someone who has a bigger manhood. The conflation of “manhood” with “penis” is too easy to make in our penis-centric view of masculinity, so naturally men feel a pressure to be very “manly” in that department. But…
  • You can’t change your penis size. You can get bigger muscles, become more athletic, learn new skills, enlighten yourself in other ways… but this basic piece of manhood is pretty much unchangeable. If you are less than fully satisfied with what you’ve got, well, this is obviously something you don’t want to be judged by, right?
  • Manhood and masculinity are harmfully narrow concepts these days. The predominant perception of how a man is supposed to be is really messed up: it’s a one-dimensional, either-or view that teaches little appreciation for the finer things in life. So without any sense of the diversity of things to be appreciated in life men fetishize the few things that they perceive matter, which can often be limited to cars, sex (one kind of sex, especially), and sports (this is not always true, of course, but especially in the absence of education it becomes more and more so).

We’re human beings, not monochromatic robots. But a lot of this stuff hides behind fears and taboos that make it hard to talk about, in addition to the fact that it’s already hard to talk about sex.

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14 Responses to 9 reasons why men are insecure about their penis size

  1. Shamona says:

    Hmm. How can I word this. Every woman is built different. There is a size to plse every woman. Size don’t matter… The connectiong (emotions btwn the two) is what matters.

  2. Kyle S. says:

    As a man, I can add that a man has a rather difficult time viewing his own penis. There is a trick of “perspective” that can make one’s own penis look different than it actually looks if you could choose a different viewing angle. Something similar is how shoes can look strange from 5 – 6 feet directly above (a birds eye view!) -but another person insists the shoes look great! (…or it is exactly the right size! Hehe!)

  3. nickispies says:

    Dear Positive Juice, you might find my blog on this matter interesting.

  4. This is absolutely great! I love how many different issues you mention and the ideology that if they are not acquainted with what other penis’ look like it can bring fear about their own. I do think that size matters, as you say, to an extent, and really there can be huge variation in size but as long as their doing something moderately good its all fine!

  5. A man can indeed increase his penis size by using a traction device that holds the penis in an extended (NOT stretched) position. The body will adapt to the gentle extension of the penis by growing more cells and apoptosing fewer cells. Likewise, a man can decrease his penis size by wearing a cock tube, or too tight underwear. The body will adapt to the compression of the penis by apoptosing more cells and growing fewer cells.

    • Mmmm … not really. Maybe a teeny bit, in terms of adding more skin, but in terms of the size of the underlying structures, not so much.

      I can’t help but think that if penis enlargement were truly possible, it would be legitimately everywhere, and not just relegated to sleazy ads and spam.

  6. I think you skipped over the part about small penises being regarded as not much more than a joke in our society. Our culture and media is littered with references to small penises as a joke or a punch line. Anyone remember the song “Short Dick Man” ? The song is a woman rejecting a man because he has a small penis. Women love this song. In fact many women today consider it normal to make fun of guys with small dicks. They feel it’s payback for crap they have to deal with. Why guys with small dicks have to pay the price for the stuff they apparently have to go through is not quite clear to me.

  7. Randy Abern says:

    Women and nature are a sick joke to me. I will never love a women. And these articles about size doesn’t matter are lies..it does. That’s why I never will connect with a woman. I don’t want a relationship, to me love is a lie, a fairy tale. I just want to fuck women and never see them again.


      • your comment make him think that way nicholia what he said is noy nice but your comment is worse. I hope he finds a woman like my wife that know that I read an old email before she met me praising the big cock but know denies it her love for me makes her say lies even if I show her the email I just don’t know what to say but what I do know is that she could fing someone else with a big dick but does not do it that has to mean something

  8. Corey Smith says:

    dick size is relative for most men. A man wants to penetrate a woman and show his man hood. big dicks can be un comfortable for men fucking a small woman. That’s one reason why some men like big women or big asses, because of dick to body balance. women sometimes don’t like dicks they can’t sit all the way down on a dick. I’ve had these issues, it doesn’t mean a woman is turned off, she just won’t want it again. I had a Jamaican friend who got thrown out of his Japanese girlfriends’ house for the same reason. you realize it’s not that funny when it’s your friend. I’m 5’6 man with a 7” dick. Yea, my size is normal in America, but it can surprise some women and be uncomfortable during intercourse. My older brothers think this is hilarious, but in the end women are looking for a relationship even though they may not say it. though it’s good for ego and one night stands, I’d like a woman my size who can handle me.

  9. Pingback: What, in your opinion, is a good way (or several ways) to help a partner with their body image issues? Do you think it’s possible to get people “out of their funk” so to speak, or will the issues always be there no matter what? | Oratora

  10. mikerowedick.blogspot.com.au


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