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The 10 most read posts of the past 48 hours
- 9 reasons why men are insecure about their penis size
- What does it mean when you want someone to be jealous of you?
- More than "just sex," but perhaps not totally "making love," either
- On not labeling your relationships
- How to keep your head on straight when you suddenly fall in love
- An anonymous open letter to people in abusive relationships who want to stay in the relationship despite the abuse
- Don't do something just because you "should"
- How to apologize sincerely without feeling weak and humiliated
- The wonderful, liberating power ... of dispassionateness
- The nitty-gritty of using condoms: a conversation we don't have nearly often enough
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Search Positive Juice
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Full list of posts
- Is righteous hatred a good thing? 2017/08/27
- How to respectfully talk about deep disagreements 2017/06/01
- Why we must stop referring to undocumented immigrants as “illegal” — immediately 2017/05/02
- Let’s talk about how we experience challenges to our privilege. We don’t do this enough. 2016/05/12
- Find “your people” 2016/05/06
- An anonymous letter to those “nice people” that do “favors” so they can sleep with people 2014/11/14
- 6 examples of what creepy behavior is, and how to avoid it 2014/07/14
- Why don’t people just say what they mean and mean what they say? 2014/06/02
- Exploring distinct kinds of attraction 2014/05/05
- Sometimes, when you want to welcome the new, you have to kick out the old crying and screaming 2014/04/23
- What is not being said or noticed? 2014/04/07
- Some things I’ve learned about recognizing, coping with, and fighting oppression and bigotry 2014/03/04
- The laws of benevolent (and harmful) behavior 2014/01/24
- Intelligence and compassion are not two separate things 2013/09/16
- Is competition bad? 2013/08/09
- What you feel is never wrong 2013/07/22
- What your awareness says about your trustworthiness – and how “safe” a person you are 2013/07/02
- Why you should learn how to speak nonjudgmentally 2013/06/22
- Positive thinking should be valued higher than other kinds of thinking 2013/06/14
- Meet my role model for situations of high tension: the hostage negotiator 2013/05/12
- Privilege is a much less unpleasant topic once we let ourselves be fully aware of it 2013/04/24
- What will it take to stop the violence? 2013/04/19
- How “leaving people a way out” calms tensions 2013/04/07
- Compersion: a word we should all become familiar with 2013/03/28
- “Today you … tomorrow me” (or, “why I often pick up hitchhikers”) 2013/03/17
- What is “listening?” 2013/03/11
- Pay as much attention to why things are right as you do to why they are wrong 2013/03/04
- When “attention” is a disease you don’t want to catch 2013/02/23
- When overall reality trumps ‘facts’ and ‘logic’ 2013/02/11
- Get off the script! 2013/01/23
- On not labeling your relationships 2013/01/10
- I’ll have more respect for your point of view if you demonstrate respect for points of view you don’t agree with 2013/01/02
- What do I want for the holidays? Nothing, actually. 2012/12/19
- Some thoughts about individuals who go on deadly shooting sprees 2012/12/15
- The insidiousness of dogma – and how it affects our ability to be happy 2012/12/03
- Soundbites don’t make a discussion 2012/11/23
- Why greater investment in finding a romantic match often leads to lesser returns; some thoughts 2012/11/08
- What the heck does “positive” mean, anyway? Here are 22 ways I’ve come to understand “positivity” 2012/10/23
- Why do people believe anecdotes and stories more than real statistics? 2012/10/11
- There is no talking to someone who won’t listen. Talk to those that will listen instead 2012/10/03
- What does it mean when you want someone to be jealous of you? 2012/09/26
- A murderer is not just a murderer 2012/09/20
- Feminism is NOT enough by itself to liberate men from the problems they confront; a treatise on male empowerment 2012/09/03
- Who do you think you aren’t? 2012/08/22
- Ask for help even when you don’t totally need it 2012/08/13
- One atheist’s understanding of the message of Jesus Christ 2012/08/06
- The nitty-gritty of using condoms: a conversation we don’t have nearly often enough 2012/07/25
- The difference between envy and jealousy 2012/07/11
- Getting the most out of the loves of our lives 2012/07/05
- The primordial soup of new feelings 2012/06/28
- The “monogamy vs. polyamory” debate – how can you know which relationship style is right for you? 2012/06/22
- The “awesomeness” of lack of pretense 2012/05/30
- The wonderful, liberating power … of dispassionateness 2012/05/04
- Intimacy takes time 2012/04/17
- Living in the truth 2012/04/05
- The enduring value of partnership 2012/03/23
- It’s good to lose it every once in a while 2012/03/18
- When the weather gets ugly, keep your hands firmly on the steering wheel 2012/03/14
- You’re not feeling everything that you really feel 2012/03/10
- Why I hate “will you marry me?” and other such loaded on-the-spot proposals 2012/03/06
- You can’t hurry love – and there ain’t no substitute 2012/03/02
- It’s ok to not be ready 2012/02/27
- The real prize we’re all in search of 2012/02/23
- “Do I worry too much?” 2012/02/18
- Why men are the sexual hunters and women are considered “keepers of sex” – and what can be done to address this imbalance 2012/02/14
- Forgive, but don’t forget (for different reasons than you might think) 2012/02/11
- The real reasons why people get jealous – and why jealousy is so powerful 2012/02/07
- How to apologize… without meaning it? 2012/02/03
- Those supernatural, divine moments in life are not exceptions – they’re CALLINGS 2012/01/29
- How to keep your head on straight when you suddenly fall in love 2012/01/25
- You’re always there (a poem about the sky :-) 2012/01/19
- When there’s nothing more to say… 2012/01/14
- Why are so many people such jerks? 2012/01/10
- Where you’re going is more important than where you are 2012/01/06
- How to get good at empathizing 2012/01/02
- Avoiding the life-wrecking scarcity model of thinking 2011/12/29
- Have high hope, but low expectations 2011/12/26
- ASK for clarification 2011/12/21
- It needs to be said: holidays can really suck sometimes 2011/12/18
- Don’t do something just because you “should” 2011/12/15
- Good people finding good people – that’s what makes being alive feel special to me 2011/12/12
- Despite what it may seem, “forever” is usually not a very good thing – even in love 2011/12/09
- The top 5 things people who are close to dying regret when they look back at their life 2011/12/06
- The joy of non-sequiturs – or, when dead lions come back to life as chickens 2011/12/03
- How to apologize sincerely without feeling weak and humiliated 2011/11/30
- Just being there makes all the difference 2011/11/26
- You should really get good at this game 2011/11/23
- More than “just sex,” but perhaps not totally “making love,” either 2011/11/19
- To be loved for who you are proud to be 2011/11/16
- Don’t always protect people from your truth. It won’t make things right 2011/11/13
- To be validated; when it’s good to hear someone else say something you already know 2011/11/10
- Sexual orientation doesn’t tell the whole story about attraction 2011/11/07
- “Your mother didn’t tell you the truth” 2011/11/06
- Sometimes I just want to come home 2011/11/03
- How important is sex, really? 2011/10/31
- We can do way better than either-or thinking 2011/10/28
- Recommended resource: The Four Agreements 2011/10/27
- An anonymous open letter to people in abusive relationships who want to stay in the relationship despite the abuse 2011/10/24
- Be somebody’s fresh air! 2011/10/21
- It’s not all about the private parts; on not assigning a gender to newborn children 2011/10/18
- “Chemistry” and being “in love” – does it have to fade away? 2011/10/14
- Seeing deeper 2011/10/05
- The real meaning of “safer sex” 2011/10/02
- Safer sex in practice: 15 risk factors that are not given enough attention 2011/09/28
- The limits (and benefits) of professional mental therapy 2011/09/21
- The power of vulnerability 2011/08/28
- A different way to look at romantic relationships 2011/08/13
- Change IS reality – in fact, it is reality’s driving force 2011/08/05
- A MANifesto for the 21st Century 2011/07/28
- It’s ok to be self-centered 2011/07/25
- The problem with secretly keeping score 2011/07/17
- Yin and Yang – a useful way to approach complex truth 2011/07/02
- The opportunity of adversity 2010/04/17
- How to be a better lover 2010/04/13
- A good divorce is as much cause to celebrate as a good marriage 2010/04/11
- Remember to breathe 2010/04/09
- I’ve been away for a little while 2010/04/08
- When love makes the pain feel good 2010/03/31
- Adolf Hitler and the 9/11 bombers never had any bad intentions 2010/03/29
- A Daddy That Serves… in Pain: One man’s perspective on loving and giving – and yet, being invisible 2010/03/27
- Sexual orientation is about much more than which gender you prefer 2010/03/25
- Can positive people be sad or depressed? 2010/03/22
- Things to remember when listening to somebody 2010/03/21
- How to listen well: start by listening to yourself 2010/03/19
- An idea is never born unaccompanied by a goal 2010/03/17
- Show honor to how other people choose to identify themselves 2010/03/15
- This thread tore at my heart 2010/03/13
- Saying you’re sorry and meaning it. How to apologize without conditions 2010/03/11
- How to talk to kids about sex, without lying to them 2010/03/09
- Do NOT compartmentalize how somebody acts toward another person 2010/03/07
- 9 reasons why men are insecure about their penis size 2010/03/03
- The art of disarming: a better way to settle conflict 2010/03/02
- No. Don’t hurry up. Think it over and take your sweet time. 2010/02/27
- Desire, attraction, and the sacred middle ground 2010/02/25
- The best way to be truthful is to channel the truth correctly 2010/02/23
- Desire for control: the roots of fascination with sex and violence 2010/02/20
- Kink, fetish, BDSM… what is all that stuff really about, anyway? 2010/02/17
- Game changers: How to change your state of mind 2010/02/15
- The real reason religion is so powerful 2010/02/14
- When a former asset has become a burden 2010/02/10
- Phone conversation? Or should you text? Or email? 2010/02/09
- Feminism: it’s all about taking back femininity 2010/02/08
- Letter to a friend: I’m lonely, and I want to share this with you 2010/02/07
- All of us – even the worst among us – are awesome… 2010/02/07
- The very important difference between a feeling and a state of mind 2010/02/06
- It’s time to rant again! 2010/02/05
- If you have nothing nice to say… 2010/02/04
- Love enough to let go. A song for thought 2010/02/03
- Have faith that there is always a reason 2010/02/02
- This kind of thinking really should be killed off 2010/02/01
- Can revenge ever really be justice? 2010/01/31
- Don’t be ashamed to cry 2010/01/30
- How to get in touch with your sense of justice 2010/01/29
- Long live Howard Zinn 2010/01/28
- Need a quick laugh? You’ve got to see these 2010/01/27
- What about when somebody just doesn’t make sense? 2010/01/26
- What if you just can’t be open-minded right now? 2010/01/25
- Positive self-talk: life is a film, not a photograph 2010/01/24
- 10 reasons we often think negatively about sex 2010/01/23
- REAL LISTENING: a priceless and immeasurably valuable skill 2010/01/21
- Somebody was spoiling for a fight with me… 2010/01/20
- The power of asking questions 2010/01/20
- Proposal for Obama: give Haiti the attention you give Afghanistan 2010/01/18
- Recommended resource: Steve Pavlina’s personal development writings 2010/01/17
- What is real, unconditional love? 2010/01/15
- Why I am an atheist (and why you don’t have to be one) 2010/01/14
- Is there a god? 2010/01/13
- “Avatar” is a wonderful movie 2010/01/11
- I’m feeling really negative right now 2010/01/09
- The fallacy of “being right” 2010/01/09
- Thought of the day: what is a fact, anyway? 2010/01/08
- A short film on dealing with the human ego 2010/01/07
- “Act like an adult” is not always a good idea 2010/01/06
- The destructiveness of the modern idea of masculinity 2010/01/03
- Positive irony, yeah! 2010/01/02
- What can I do, and what do YOU do, to be a positive person? 2010/01/01
- A New Year’s message to those of you who aren’t doing so well 2010/01/01
- Awesome example of fighting violence and racism with positive energy 2009/12/31
- My personal method for evaluating whether to trust somebody 2009/12/30
- A chat excerpt about understanding people who act destructively 2009/12/29
- A new beginning 2009/12/29
Category Archives: Conflict and dealing with negativity
Is righteous hatred a good thing?
We often feel hatred for good reasons. Hatred comes from anger coupled with powerlessness to change or avoid what makes us angry. But hatred is also a primary ingredient in so many cases of abuse and harm. What I want … Continue reading
How to respectfully talk about deep disagreements
The way local and world events are going at the moment, there is a growing desire to engage. To talk to one another! And this is good. In these turbulent times, we need to be talking to each other. But … Continue reading
Let’s talk about how we experience challenges to our privilege. We don’t do this enough.
Have you ever been accused of being “privileged?” Of having “unearned privilege?” Have you ever had that feeling that out of virtually nowhere, people are labeling you, boxing you into a corner, suddenly putting the screws on you to somehow … Continue reading
Find “your people”
It’s been a year and a half since I last wrote for this blog. Why? Partially because I had other priorities, but also because, truthfully, I haven’t felt like I’ve had a lot of additional positive stuff to share. I … Continue reading
Some things I’ve learned about recognizing, coping with, and fighting oppression and bigotry
It should all be so simple: don’t be a jerk! So why do oppression and bigotry still happen all the time? And why does so much of it so often fly under the radar, often with little to no challenge, … Continue reading
Is competition bad?
Competition. The art of being the best. It’s the foundation of so much of our sports and innovation culture, how could it be bad? Well … we live in a world that completely misses the boat in terms of human … Continue reading
What you feel is never wrong
One could say that feelings are always right, especially considering how they often just “happen” despite our best efforts! Sometimes, the context of certain feelings is messed up, yes indeed. You don’t want to burst out laughing when somebody is weeping, talking … Continue reading
Why you should learn how to speak nonjudgmentally
“I talked to this loser today, who has no life and seems to think no one else should either. Instead of engaging with me, he stared ahead like a sulky child and refused to fully acknowledge me. The guy’s a … Continue reading
Privilege is a much less unpleasant topic once we let ourselves be fully aware of it
These days, privilege often gets talked about in the negative: those privileged people, who have no idea of how life is for people unlike them. A justifiable anger, for those who do not enjoy such privileges. Very often, when somebody’s … Continue reading
Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Debate!
Tagged awareness, consciousness, ignorance, inequality, norms, privilege, society
7 Comments
How “leaving people a way out” calms tensions
We all get to that point with someone sometimes when there’s this big loaded question in the air – one that involves a lot of emotion, and thus potential disappointment. Think “will you marry me?” for example. Sometimes it’s not … Continue reading
Get off the script!
“Hi, how are you?” “Fine, thank you.” “Good! How’s work?” “It’s good, it’s good.” This gets boring and meaningless after a while, doesn’t it? It’s the dreaded script! AAAAAHHH!!! You know, those times when the conversation becomes so deafeningly predictable, when people … Continue reading
What does it mean when you want someone to be jealous of you?
As I write this post, the most popular post on my blog these days, by far, is the one about why human beings get jealous. I noticed that a good number of the search terms hitting that post say things … Continue reading
The enduring value of partnership
Pretty much everything we do in life, generally, will at some point involve interaction with somebody else, or many other people. These interactions can be transitory, or they can be longer lasting, and while long-lasting interaction tends to make the … Continue reading
The real reasons why people get jealous – and why jealousy is so powerful
Jealousy is one of those demons that just seems to take everything over when it is felt – even when you know on the inside that your jealousy doesn’t make sense somehow, it often still rips through and takes you … Continue reading
Posted in Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Love and compassion, Sex and sexuality
Tagged compersion, control, envy, jealousy, loss
63 Comments
How to apologize… without meaning it?
So I’m looking through the search terms through which people come upon this blog, and one of the ones that seems to come up rather often is some variation on “how to say you’re sorry without meaning it.” Unfortunately for … Continue reading
When there’s nothing more to say…
Sometimes, there’s nothing more to say. Sometimes, things just are as they are. And they will be talked about, and they will be described – but the more talking and describing occurs, the clearer it becomes that such talking and describing … Continue reading
Avoiding the life-wrecking scarcity model of thinking
Underlying many of our greatest fears in life is the feeling that we will be abandoned, left out. That there won’t be enough of something left for us, and our needs will be forgotten. We’ll get trampled or left behind, … Continue reading
Have high hope, but low expectations
This is a more concrete way of saying, “be open-minded,” a perspective you can take with you every time you are afraid of being disappointed. Some people use the word “hope” as a verb, in a narrow focus toward one … Continue reading
ASK for clarification
When you look back on situations of conflict, so many awful things seem to happen solely because of some kind of misunderstanding. Especially between friends and loved ones – people close to you – the stakes are higher because of … Continue reading
It needs to be said: holidays can really suck sometimes
Now – if you’re totally enjoying your holidays… GREAT! Flush this post from your mind, please, and continue enjoying yourself. I don’t want to get in the way of that. But if this rings a bell, please keep reading. We are … Continue reading
Posted in Conflict and dealing with negativity, Love and compassion
Tagged celebration, christmas, compassion, gifts, holidays, kindness, new year
2 Comments
The problem with secretly keeping score
Have you ever had a relationship with someone that was always threatened by tit-for-tat “negotiations” over small things? You know, like “we ate at the restaurant you wanted to go to last time. Now it’s my turn.” Stuff like this … Continue reading
Posted in Conflict and dealing with negativity, Love and compassion
Tagged being there, business relationship, closeness, communication, conflict, fairness, fear, givers, giving, honesty, hurt, insecurity, intentions, intimacy, justice, relationships, resentment, scorekeeping, transaction, trust
Leave a comment
A good divorce is as much cause to celebrate as a good marriage
Unfortunately, it’s even rarer. A few days ago I went to the family court in my area for a case that was pulled last of all, which meant I got to observe the other cases. Among these others were a … Continue reading
Remember to breathe
Rant ahead! I have been having a really busy, action-packed week, and done pretty well. Got a lot done, managed to enjoy substantial time with good friends, ran errands, work is busy, et cetera et cetera. I even slept really … Continue reading
Posted in Conflict and dealing with negativity, Personal reflections, Short posts
Tagged brain, breath, breathing, feelings, inhaling, mundfulness, oxygen, qi, spirit, stress
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Saying you’re sorry and meaning it. How to apologize without conditions
Pride is a powerful motivator, and we often think that apologizing is humiliating. So we qualify our apologies with “if” and other riders: “I’m sorry if what I said offended you.” “I’m sorry you took what I said the wrong … Continue reading
Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Love and compassion
Tagged angry, apologize, apology, communication, conditions, excuses, guilt, humiliation, judgment, lament, mistake, offense, preconditions, pride, regret, riders, right, shame, sorry, thinking, unconditional, understanding, vulnerability, wrong
9 Comments
Do NOT compartmentalize how somebody acts toward another person
It happens all the time. You see somebody insulting, putting down, or otherwise starting conflict with another person, and you tune it out, because this doesn’t happen with you and besides, it’s unpleasant to think about. That other person could … Continue reading
No. Don’t hurry up. Think it over and take your sweet time.
We’re always being told to “hurry up!” “Think fast!” “Make a decision now.” Do you realize how offensive it is to say this when it is not necessary? I find being pressured to hurry up absolutely heinous. Think about this: … Continue reading
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