Category Archives: Sex and sexuality

An anonymous letter to those “nice people” that do “favors” so they can sleep with people

Dear person interested in getting into bed with me, You have *subtlely* shown in your interactions with me that you are not paying attention to my situation beyond how it might impact your ability to get cuddles/sex. Which is a … Continue reading

Posted in Conflict and dealing with negativity, Making connection, Sex and sexuality, Short posts | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

Exploring distinct kinds of attraction

Have you ever felt attracted to someone in some ways, but not others? Sure you have. We all have. You know, The person you feel relaxed around, whose therapeutic company you crave, which is not necessarily sexual; The person that lights you … Continue reading

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Compersion: a word we should all become familiar with

We have words in English for when we become upset at someone else’s enjoyment (jealousy) and for when we delight in being better off than someone else (gloating) and even delighting in another’s misery (schadenfreude) … but what do we … Continue reading

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On not labeling your relationships

A friend of mine recently told me, “I’m seeing two people. But I never refer to either of them as ‘boyfriend’ … they are always just ‘friend’, both between us and with other people. The minute you give the relationship a label … Continue reading

Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Debate!, Love and compassion, Personal reflections, Sex and sexuality, Short posts | Tagged , , , , | 16 Comments

Some thoughts about individuals who go on deadly shooting sprees

After getting over the fact that the most innocent of lives were lost yesterday in Connecticut just because somebody was angry or wanted revenge on someone else, we’re going to start asking why once again. There is no one answer. … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Debate!, Healing, Personal reflections, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Why greater investment in finding a romantic match often leads to lesser returns; some thoughts

The world of sex and romance can get really noisy sometimes with all the drama, intended or not, that it often brings. Yes – even with low-drama people. At such times, it can become hard to think. People who know … Continue reading

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Feminism is NOT enough by itself to liberate men from the problems they confront; a treatise on male empowerment

One of the biggest sticking points between feminists and those who oppose them is this creeping thinking that “women are the oppressed gender, and men are not.” That it is only women who need the safe spaces, the redress of injustice, … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Beliefs and worldview, Debate!, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Long posts, Sex and sexuality, Staying strong | Tagged , , , , | 28 Comments

The nitty-gritty of using condoms: a conversation we don’t have nearly often enough

“If you’re going to have sex, use a condom!” We hear it all the time: safer sex necessarily involves condom use, among other things. And it sounds simple and sensible enough, right? Just cover the penis when penetration occurs, and … Continue reading

Posted in Long posts, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Why men are the sexual hunters and women are considered “keepers of sex” – and what can be done to address this imbalance

Pretty much anywhere you go, men are conceived as the “horndog gender.” Men are viewed as the ones who will always want sex more, who are always quicker to sexualize a relationship, to make things about sex. And this does … Continue reading

Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Debate!, Long posts, Love and compassion, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

The real reasons why people get jealous – and why jealousy is so powerful

Jealousy is one of those demons that just seems to take everything over when it is felt – even when you know on the inside that your jealousy doesn’t make sense somehow, it often still rips through and takes you … Continue reading

Posted in Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Love and compassion, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , | 60 Comments

More than “just sex,” but perhaps not totally “making love,” either

Have you ever wanted to have sex that is both not too attached and at the same time not completely detached, either? You know, something that doesn’t make great promises about tomorrow, next week, and next year, but still fully … Continue reading

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To be loved for who you are proud to be

There was an older woman in the bar, must have been possibly between 60 and 70 years old… who was smiling, kind of minding her own business, doing her thing… except that she was getting a lot of staring attention … Continue reading

Posted in Debate!, Love and compassion, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Sexual orientation doesn’t tell the whole story about attraction

Sexual orientation is pretty straightforward, right? Gay, straight, or bi. And then there are some folks that call themselves “pansexual,” meaning that their attraction spans potentially everyone on the whole continuum of genders. Simple enough. However, as is so often … Continue reading

Posted in Debate!, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

How important is sex, really?

Recently I was talking to a friend who, in the context of finding a monogamous relationship, was comparing two people she was attracted to. She told me “I am way more sexually drawn to Jamie [names changed] than I am to … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Healing, Long posts, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

It’s not all about the private parts; on not assigning a gender to newborn children

“It’s a girl!” “It’s a boy!” These are often the first things that are learned about a newborn child – even before its name is known. And what indeed is so bad about calling a child a girl or boy, … Continue reading

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The real meaning of “safer sex”

One of the big problems with common use of the term “safer sex”  is that it is often used solely in the context of preventing STDs (sexually transmitted diseases), and/or pregnancy. Sex does not have to involve STDs or pregnancy … Continue reading

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Safer sex in practice: 15 risk factors that are not given enough attention

Say the phrase “safer sex” and what’s the first thing that comes to mind? Condoms. Of course. But condoms are far from the only thing that makes a sexual act “safer.” You see, safe sex is like safe driving. No … Continue reading

Posted in Long posts, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

A different way to look at romantic relationships

Recently I was talking to a friend about whether she wanted a monogamous or non-monogamous relationship, and she told me that, for her, non-monogamy is the default norm, with monogamy being one possible “customization,” as opposed to the way. This … Continue reading

Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Debate!, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

A MANifesto for the 21st Century

There is a lot of talk about how women face a multitude of problems that men do not (something that is still true, even in most developed countries). In the past 100 years, feminist movements of many different stripes have … Continue reading

Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Debate!, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Personal reflections, Sex and sexuality, Staying strong | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

How to be a better lover

The questions are always flying around: “what can I do to spice up my lovelife a bit?” Whether it’s on a date, in bed, living together, spending some time apart, it seems that some folks are better lovers than others. … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Love and compassion, Pass on the positivity!, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

A Daddy That Serves… in Pain: One man’s perspective on loving and giving – and yet, being invisible

One night I was reading through journal entries on a website, and I stumbled across this: a man’s plea to be heard and be loved for who he truly is. He is a transman, that is, someone who was born … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Beliefs and worldview, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Long posts, Love and compassion, Personal reflections, Sex and sexuality, Staying strong | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Sexual orientation is about much more than which gender you prefer

One of the problems with the language we use around sexuality is this business of “hetero, homo, or bi”—as if only three orientations exist. Feeling the need to categorize yourself as one of these things is a symptom of a … Continue reading

Posted in Personal reflections, Sex and sexuality, Short posts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

How to talk to kids about sex, without lying to them

Lying to kids will produce liars when they are grown up. But certain things are indeed hard to talk about. If you want to be able to talk to your children comfortably about sex, what you really need to do … Continue reading

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9 reasons why men are insecure about their penis size

A lot of women ask me, “why are men so concerned about the size of their penis?” The short answer is that they are very insecure about the whole issue, and they don’t always have an outlet for making peace … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Desire, attraction, and the sacred middle ground

Love is wonderful when it works. But we push love away so often because we are afraid it won’t work. Even with those we are supposed to love most. The vulnerability required to realize true intimacy can be a major … Continue reading

Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Developing trust, Long posts, Love and compassion, Pass on the positivity!, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Desire for control: the roots of fascination with sex and violence

As we grow up, we learn to equate control with maturity. The more control one has, the better off they will be. This does not have to be a bad thought process; when I say control, that includes self-control as … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Kink, fetish, BDSM… what is all that stuff really about, anyway?

Sure it has to do with the fun of role-playing, but much of the time it’s really about something way deeper than that: it’s about the power of healing, something that is so often so hard to get in touch … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Developing trust, Healing, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Feminism: it’s all about taking back femininity

I am a man, and men don’t often get into feminism, I know. 🙂 I do have a very strong feminine component to my being. My femininity is very precious to me–precious enough to blog about; there is too much … Continue reading

Posted in Beliefs and worldview, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

10 reasons we often think negatively about sex

Something about being really sexual, even when it feels so great… is often frowned upon. But why? Most societies are very confused about sex. There are all these taboos about sex that cloud up real understanding about it and actually … Continue reading

Posted in Debate!, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

The destructiveness of the modern idea of masculinity

I am a man. I grew up a male, and I’m certainly not unhappy with who I am. However, I am very disturbed about how males are viewed and taught how to be. I wrote this letter to my grandmother … Continue reading

Posted in Debate!, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Long posts, Personal reflections, Sex and sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 26 Comments