Category Archives: Achieving peace and understanding

Recommended resource: The Four Agreements

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is a book a friend recommended to me when I was going through a lot of personal change in my life. It is a simple, down-to-earth book that elaborates on four basic guidelines … Continue reading

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Be somebody’s fresh air!

There’s a 7 foot / 2.2 meter tall guy, a person with a marked skin condition that stands out as “not normal,” a porn actress, someone who stutters, and a disabled person who moves using a wheelchair. What do they … Continue reading

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The limits (and benefits) of professional mental therapy

Therapists. Shrinks. Counselors. Sometimes, you just need one, to help tackle a deeper problem. But sometimes that’s not what you really need. When therapy is applied correctly, it can work, and very well. But often, people go to therapists for … Continue reading

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The power of vulnerability

I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. –2 Corinthians 12:10 (The Bible) The prevailing view of strength is one that opposes it to weakness and vulnerability. … Continue reading

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Change IS reality – in fact, it is reality’s driving force

Many of us try to find some constant in reality that we can hold on to, some one thing that will not change, that we can depend on. Well… if the computer age has taught us anything new, it’s that … Continue reading

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It’s ok to be self-centered

In fact, it’s totally, completely necessary. You are the only person you have to live with every second of your life! If you aren’t self-centered, how can you be centered? There are a lot of myths out there about how … Continue reading

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Yin and Yang – a useful way to approach complex truth

Truth is often thought of as simple and easy: It’s hot outside. Maria is 1.56 meters tall. The milk has gone bad. These are all easy truths – easy to talk about, easy to find the answers to. But some … Continue reading

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The opportunity of adversity

Positive-thinking people not only find ways to create positive situations; they also extract the golden nuggets of positivity from the jaws of very negative, debilitating situations. In this video, Aimee Mullins, an athlete, actress, and fashion model, talks about her … Continue reading

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How to be a better lover

The questions are always flying around: “what can I do to spice up my lovelife a bit?” Whether it’s on a date, in bed, living together, spending some time apart, it seems that some folks are better lovers than others. … Continue reading

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Adolf Hitler and the 9/11 bombers never had any bad intentions

Bad consequences/outcome? Yes, HORRIBLE. But not for bad intentions. No bad intentions here. Only good ones. What is a “bad intention?” And why in the world is it so important whether mass murderers have good or bad intentions? Because the … Continue reading

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A Daddy That Serves… in Pain: One man’s perspective on loving and giving – and yet, being invisible

One night I was reading through journal entries on a website, and I stumbled across this: a man’s plea to be heard and be loved for who he truly is. He is a transman, that is, someone who was born … Continue reading

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Can positive people be sad or depressed?

Short answer: it happens all the time. There are some people out there who are so much into being happy and joyful that they run away from sad, depressing things. That’s understandable, but definitely not optimal. They end up never … Continue reading

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Things to remember when listening to somebody

It’s not all about you. In fact, it’s all about them right now. The other person’s point of view is as valid as yours, no matter how crazy it might sound. In fact, if you choose to listen to it, … Continue reading

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How to listen well: start by listening to yourself

You can search for and easily find techniques for how to listen well. Here, I want to focus on how a good listener thinks, rather than what they do. First thing that must be said: You will be a better … Continue reading

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An idea is never born unaccompanied by a goal

When people talk about being “unbiased,” or “impartial,” they often forget that this is an oxymoron, because ideas don’t exist independently of goals. Trying to be “unbiased” is a bias in and of itself! Every idea has at least one … Continue reading

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Show honor to how other people choose to identify themselves

One of the best ways to respect somebody is to honor how they self-define. For example, somebody who looks to you like a man wishes to be addressed as “she” and referred to as a woman. The right thing to … Continue reading

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Saying you’re sorry and meaning it. How to apologize without conditions

Pride is a powerful motivator, and we often think that apologizing is humiliating. So we qualify our apologies with “if” and other riders: “I’m sorry if what I said offended you.” “I’m sorry you took what I said the wrong … Continue reading

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9 reasons why men are insecure about their penis size

A lot of women ask me, “why are men so concerned about the size of their penis?” The short answer is that they are very insecure about the whole issue, and they don’t always have an outlet for making peace … Continue reading

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The art of disarming: a better way to settle conflict

We often get caught up in a cycle of threats; I feel threatened by somebody, so I harden up and put out “don’t fuck with me” signals. The other person gets intimidated on their end, and they do the same. … Continue reading

Posted in Achieving peace and understanding, Conflict and dealing with negativity, Developing trust, Healing, Healthy vulnerability and weakness, Love and compassion, Pass on the positivity! | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

The best way to be truthful is to channel the truth correctly

We often see the truth as this finite, fixed quality, and ask: why can’t people just be honest? If it were so simple, this wouldn’t be such a widespread complaint. The issue is that truth is much more complicated than … Continue reading

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Desire for control: the roots of fascination with sex and violence

As we grow up, we learn to equate control with maturity. The more control one has, the better off they will be. This does not have to be a bad thought process; when I say control, that includes self-control as … Continue reading

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Kink, fetish, BDSM… what is all that stuff really about, anyway?

Sure it has to do with the fun of role-playing, but much of the time it’s really about something way deeper than that: it’s about the power of healing, something that is so often so hard to get in touch … Continue reading

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Game changers: How to change your state of mind

Being able to shape your state of mind is key to maturity. While you certainly don’t want to micromanage the way you think (often it’s beneficial to just let your emotions roam rather than trying to control them), knowing how … Continue reading

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The real reason religion is so powerful

Some religions promise heaven in the afterlife for loyal followers, and hell for sinners (I am specifically thinking of the biggest two, Christianity and Islam). This does get people to “stick” somewhat–but it is not the main reason why religion … Continue reading

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Phone conversation? Or should you text? Or email?

When you can’t be face to face, sometimes the way you transmit a message makes all the difference. The phone is great for communication, but sometimes, especially when you’re busy, it would be better to receive a nice text right … Continue reading

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The very important difference between a feeling and a state of mind

Feelings are temporary. They change and morph both gradually and quickly, often without us even realizing it. States of mind, however, are much longer-lasting and pervasive. You could consider a state of mind to be another kind of feeling, but … Continue reading

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Have faith that there is always a reason

So much doesn’t make sense sometimes. You feel like asking why? What brought this on? Did I deserve this? There’s always a reason. You may not always be able to find it out right away. Especially if the reason is … Continue reading

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Can revenge ever really be justice?

I remember when arguing with my ex how, when one of us was angry, we didn’t seem to feel satisfied until the other was also angry. This did two things: It made us feel that the other really took us … Continue reading

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Don’t be ashamed to cry

Especially for men, there is a taboo about crying. It shows weakness. It shows sadness, which we often associate with negative energy. We even tend to assume that it shows instability, and it sometimes makes us feel unstable to observe … Continue reading

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How to get in touch with your sense of justice

We often have very different senses of what is fair. And it goes deeper than we realize, penetrating right down to the unspoken. Sometimes, we even secretly think things like “this wasn’t as fun for me as it was for … Continue reading

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What about when somebody just doesn’t make sense?

The answer is this: they are making sense. You just aren’t seeing the sense they are making yet, because you can’t read their mind. So naturally you don’t see how things fit together for them.

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What if you just can’t be open-minded right now?

Well, who among us is perfect? Some things will catch you off guard, and for a moment, you won’t have control. Even the things that shouldn’t be so shocking. Scary…but true. But it’s all right. You won’t always be able … Continue reading

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Positive self-talk: life is a film, not a photograph

You know how you feel something so strongly at certain points? Like “I will love this person for ever and ever,” or “I hate this person so much right now I could kill them…” Ever notice how, as strong as … Continue reading

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REAL LISTENING: a priceless and immeasurably valuable skill

If there was one thing I wish people learned much, much more than they do now, it would be how to truly listen. Because we human beings are really starving for good listening. So many times, so many conflicts would … Continue reading

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The power of asking questions

Asking a question is a revolutionary act. It’s what allows us to break out of the box and get to a higher level. Often, a situation happens that we don’t account for: rather than being a black-and-white fact vs. opinion … Continue reading

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Proposal for Obama: give Haiti the attention you give Afghanistan

I’m volunteering at a support center for the families of earthquake victims in Haiti today, and after some discussion with folks, I just thought to myself: why doesn’t President Obama send some of those Afghanistan resources to Haiti instead?

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The fallacy of “being right”

It seems so important sometimes: somebody has to be right. And, by extension, the rest of us are wrong. You know by now that I’m going to tell you that this is a harmful load of hogwash. 🙂 But what … Continue reading

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A New Year’s message to those of you who aren’t doing so well

Here we are, you and me. I’ve lived a while now and I’ve known a lot of people. Had a lot of experiences, felt a lot of different things. But right now, I’m talking to you and only you. You’re … Continue reading

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